You’re Turning Me OFF!

20 08 2010

Back in high school, my school tried it’s hand at having what we called city-wide dances. A lot of the schools were doing it, so our Black Culture Club (don’t side eye me) decided to throw one my freshman year. It didn’t go over very well. My school was very well-maintained and had a reputation for excellence, so when the dance went down and a fight eventually began – that was all she wrote. We never had one of those dances again. From that point forward, it was either the major dances like Homecoming, Sweet Sixteen, or Prom OR you just went to a party at someone’s house.

But prior to the dance getting shut down, I was having a great time! Such a great time that this gorgeous guy walked right up to me and asked me to dance. He was cute, y’all. So cute that I remember what he looked like to this day. Caramel skintone, razor-cut eyebrows (that was IN then), about 6 feet tall, nice build. I was juuuust about to say yes when I looked at his mouth. His teeth were all gold. As in he couldn’t take the golds out of his mouth. As in yuck mouth syndrome.

I was immediately done.

I’m not a very picky person. I swear! But there are just some things that will turn me off from even the cutest, fliest dude in the world. Yes, even Darren Sharper (but don’t tell him I said that 🙂 ). Not having straight white teeth (especially if it’s intentional, like that dude) is one of those things. Now, I thought I was fly shit in high school, so I actually told said dude, “I’m sorry, but I’m really attracted to…. white teeth.” And walked away. To this day, my friends are surprised he didn’t clock me in my face; and no, I was not the reason the fight broke out that night.

Now, I’m not condoning the rudeness that I displayed there, but you guys know me by now (or if you don’t, feel free to peruse those archives to your right), I’ve talked to y’all before about my issue with straight white teeth. It’s not just that they do it for me, it’s that without them, ewww I just can’t. I know that sounds shallow, but I also think you need to know what you can and can’t deal with. I can NOT deal without them. Ask Jeepers Creepers! His only major flaw was that his bottom row looked he was a cousin to Jaws, and that is so not okay.

So what are some other things that will immediately turn me off from a guy? Glad you asked.

Your Approach

There’s a nice way to approach a lady and then there’s this way: “Psssst, say ma, say red, ca I get yo #?” Yeah, that guy will not get my number or anything more than a sigh – no matter if he’s cute or not. You know how a lot of women feel like you can gauge how a man will treat you by how he treats his mother or sister? I feel that way about how you approach me. If you come up to me and respectfully try to get to know me, chances are that you’ll get a shot as long as you couldn’t be featured in the 2010 Calendar of Ug Mugs. Hell, I like attractive men like the next girl, but a lot of the guys I’ve been head over heels for weren’t even men that I was initially checking for. *Bonus points if you make me smile or laugh, because that makes me think you’ll continue to do so.* On the flip side, if you make me want to barf the first time I meet you, yep – I’m going to think that I will be barfing as long as I know you.

You’re Dumb

This can mean a couple things. You could be dumb in that you think 2 +2 = 5 (which is really, really dumb) or you could be dumb in that you just do dumb shit. Either one will make me turn my lip up at you. If you’re still trying to be a rapper at 35 and you’ve never had even a hook on the radio, you’re dumb and I just can’t get down with that. Also, if you really feel like you’re Big Meech and/or Larry Hoover (whether you actually sell drugs or not), please pass Go and go straight to Jail or the dumb house – whatever floats your boat. You can also look dumb. I know a lot of people are calling BS right now, but it’s true. I met this kid one time who just looked dumb. He walked around sluggishly, his bottom lip drooped down and he always looked like he was saying, “huh?” to someone. Hmmm. Add that onto a 27 year old and just no.

You’re Immature

Okay – I like to clown around, a lot. I’m goofy. Some might even say I can be a bit corny sometimes, but I also know when there’s a time and a place for different things. Unfortunately, I’ve met some guys who do not. This one guy I met was so G double O. D. looking that women would just stare at him and sigh. His skin was dark chocolate, he was tall, he had long lashes, and the most lovely accent, and I doubt if he ever had one serious conversation ever (outside of when he was high and then everything was beacoup serious). I mean, really – everyone likes to laugh, but if you can’t tell that someone getting laid off from their job is not the best time to tell a “Friday, you ain’t got no job” joke, chances are we won’t last.

You’re TOOOO Flashy

I’m not flashy. That doesn’t mean I don’t like to dress up – because I do. Or that I don’t like a guy who likes to dress up, because I definitely do. But when I think of someone being too flashy I think of Birdman. The man wears earrings that my Maw-Maw would wear just because he wants to show the world he can wear some grandma clip-ons that cost him $600,000. No sir. If you’ve got that much money, how about you show me how you stunt by paying off my loans. Now that, that would be someone I could get down with lol.

Anyway, what about y’all? Anything that even the cutest guy can do that will still turn you off OR is it pretty much if he looks like Devin Thomas, you’re game regardless? Same for the fellas. Can Stacey Dash get away with damn near anything or is there a cut off somewhere?




2 responses

20 08 2010

LOL – ok. So first of all “Ug Mugs” and the “dumb house!” I. Can’t. It’s too early and I can’t. LMAO.

One of my major turnoffs is the inability to play nice with others. When I meet a guy, I’m often out with my friends. And how he interacts with the others is important to me. I’m not saying he has to find out the name of their dog and Maw Maw. But, more than just making a beeline for me, getting my number and then chucking the deuces will get him very far. I have a lot of important people in my life – and they are all very, very different. I don’t think there is anything sexier than a man who can navigate the high brow set with as much ease as he navigates the hood set.

20 08 2010

LMAO! I put Ug Mug in there just for you.

And I can dig that turn off – I like a guy who can navigate many different types of personalities (because I do), so I probably would be turned off by someone who couldn’t. hmmmm.

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