“You know how much I hate a timid man!”
Just the other day, I pinged this message to my girl, C-Murder out of pure fake frustration. Don’t get me wrong, I was actually frustrated, but it wasn’t anything that lasted more than two minutes. But in that initial moment – ugh, that exclamation point was true and needed. What happened to cause this bbm outburst you might ask? I was out at a cookout, enjoying the good times with a few friends and there was a CA-YUTE guy who kept looking at me and smiling at me with beautiful straight white teeth, and the fool never once made a move. Never.
Even though every time I looked up from my conversations, I caught him looking at me. Even though I was being very friendly and speaking to most of the people at the party. The biggest move he made was to walk past the table I sat at and say hi… to the whole table. We all said hi back. And he walked away.
Now, maybe dude wasn’t as interested in me as I thought. Could be possible, but it certainly seemed like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. Or maybe he was attracted, but wasn’t available so he chose to stay away. Another probability is that maybe I had crab stuck in my teeth or something (even though I’m pretty sure I didn’t) – although, if I did… hey, maybe that could have been a great opening for him to come up and SAY SOMETHING to me! Either way, nothing happened. A few hours passed and the cookout began to slowly die down and everyone went their separate ways.
This incident alone wouldn’t prompt such a ping from me to my girl. Like I said, it could have been a number of reasons why the guy at the party never approached me… but it got me thinking about the idea of timid men, in general. You know, the guy who stares at you all night and then gets the host to ask you if you’re interested. Yeah, that guy. My girl’s theory was not that the guy was timid, but that he was shy, and she further pointed out that while we both typically go for bolder men, bolder hasn’t gotten us anywhere lately. Touche’ C-Murder, touche’. My only problem with that belief is that I don’t think a guy has to be the life of the party to come up to a woman and say, “Hi my name is Alex… what’s yours?” Maybe I’m being too unforgiving. IDK.
I do know that the response to this phenomenon from most people is that guys can be just as shy as women, so they shouldn’t be faulted for their shyness. To which, I say – you’re right. I completely agree. However… I also think that if a guy is really interested in a woman, he’ll get up whatever courage he has to approach her. Say what you want, but as much as people claim that in 2010 it doesn’t look desperate for a woman to approach a man, sometimes it still does. Sure there are women who have a perfect sly way to do it or whose personality is bold enough where it doesn’t come off like she’s trying to be the man… but that’s not me.
The only times where I’ve “successfully” approached a guy have been in situations where I’m full on liquid courage… and even then, those are successful only to a point, because clearly none of them have lasted thus far.
I’m not knocking anyone’s hustle. If you’re a woman that can pull of the man approach, then great. Maybe I can get you to give some tips to the shy guy looking at me in the corner of the room, because if he doesn’t say something soon – he’s going to start to creep me out. And then he really won’t get any cutty.*
What do you all think? Am I being too hard on the “shy guy”? Should I be showing him some love like Diana King? Or does it still hold true that nothing will stop a man from approaching a woman he’s really trying to get with? Y’all let me know!
*I’ve totally been waiting for the day I could slide in the ATL reference in a post. WOOT!!!!!!