Shy Guy

16 08 2010

“I don’t want no fly guy; I just want a shy guy… but I don’t want somebody who’s loving everybody. I need a shy guy; he’s the kind of guy who’ll only be mine.” ~ Diana King/ Shy Guy

“You know how much I hate a timid man!”

Just the other day, I pinged this message to my girl, C-Murder out of pure fake frustration. Don’t get me wrong, I was actually frustrated, but it wasn’t anything that lasted more than two minutes. But in that initial moment – ugh, that exclamation point was true and needed. What happened to cause this bbm outburst you might ask? I was out at a cookout, enjoying the good times with a few friends and there was a CA-YUTE guy who kept looking at me and smiling at me with beautiful straight white teeth, and the fool never once made a move. Never.

Even though every time I looked up from my conversations, I caught him looking at me. Even though I was being very friendly and speaking to most of the people at the party. The biggest move he made was to walk past the table I sat at and say hi… to the whole table. We all said hi back. And he walked away.

Sigh.

Now, maybe dude wasn’t as interested in me as I thought. Could be possible, but it certainly seemed like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. Or maybe he was attracted, but wasn’t available so he chose to stay away. Another probability is that maybe I had crab stuck in my teeth or something (even though I’m pretty sure I didn’t) – although, if I did… hey, maybe that could have been a great opening for him to come up and SAY SOMETHING to me! Either way, nothing happened. A few hours passed and the cookout began to slowly die down and everyone went their separate ways.

This incident alone wouldn’t prompt such a ping from me to my girl. Like I said, it could have been a number of reasons why the guy at the party never approached me… but it got me thinking about the idea of timid men, in general. You know, the guy who stares at you all night and then gets the host to ask you if you’re interested. Yeah, that guy. My girl’s theory was not that the guy was timid, but that he was shy, and she further pointed out that while we both typically go for bolder men, bolder hasn’t gotten us anywhere lately. Touche’ C-Murder, touche’. My only problem with that belief is that I don’t think a guy has to be the life of the party to come up to a woman and say, “Hi my name is Alex… what’s yours?” Maybe I’m being too unforgiving. IDK.

I do know that the response to this phenomenon from most people is that guys can be just as shy as women, so they shouldn’t be faulted for their shyness. To which, I say – you’re right. I completely agree. However… I also think that if a guy is really interested in a woman, he’ll get up whatever courage he has to approach her. Say what you want, but as much as people claim that in 2010 it doesn’t look desperate for a woman to approach a man, sometimes it still does. Sure there are women who have a perfect sly way to do it or whose personality is bold enough where it doesn’t come off like she’s trying to be the man… but that’s not me.

The only times where I’ve “successfully” approached a guy have been in situations where I’m full on liquid courage… and even then, those are successful only to a point, because clearly none of them have lasted thus far.

I’m not knocking anyone’s hustle. If you’re a woman that can pull of the man approach, then great. Maybe I can get you to give some tips to the shy guy looking at me in the corner of the room, because if he doesn’t say something soon – he’s going to start to creep me out. And then he really won’t get any cutty.*

What do you all think? Am I being too hard on the “shy guy”? Should I be showing him some love like Diana King? Or does it still hold true that nothing will stop a man from approaching a woman he’s really trying to get with? Y’all let me know!

*I’ve totally been waiting for the day I could slide in the ATL reference in a post. WOOT!!!!!!

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6 responses

16 08 2010
countryclubbarbie

You might be a little tough. The same kind of situation happened to me Saturday night. We went out and there was a guy who was clearly interested in me. Watching us at the table. Then when we got up onto the dance floor. But he just kept lingering. My friend and I figured that he was shy so I figured out a way to break the ice w/o coming across like the man in the situation (because we ALL know I can’t handle a dude who is super shy).

Even though I was with a gaggle of people, I walked over and asked him to snap a picture of me and my friend. After 3 attempts he finally got it, but it was enough for us to slide in polite introductions and tease him about dancing in his chair but not on the floor. Then, after we got the shot, we drifted right back onto the dance floor. Now, he had to do all the work. Turns out, he’s not terribly shy. Just clubs/lounges aren’t really his scene. And then get got blown off by his boys who were supposed to come with him – so he was feeling less than confident.

Anyway – I know all of this because he made his way to the dance floor, talked to me (and had polite conversation with every other person I was there with – I’m sure to get approval, lol), bought drinks, and even walked everybody to the car. At the end of the night it was a no brainer to give the guy my number.

So, I guess I say all that to say that a guy truly could be intimidated by you and your friends all together. Or he could be having an off nice (as evidenced by the guy I met). Or he could just be shy. I don’t think anybody is asking you to go up to a guy, get his number, make the first call, plan the first date and then buy him an engagement ring. Maybe you could try to change your approach. Or cut him some slack (did that really come out of MY mouth?).

Or, worst case, ask him to snap your picture. It might be all the ice breaker he needs.

16 08 2010
dbaham

Yeaaaah, I get you – but I just don’t think this guy was trying to make a move, because I did a few things to give him an IN and he never took them. For example, I excused myself from group situations a few times to give him a chance to walk up to me while I was alone AND one time when I caught him looking at me, I smiled and raised my eyebrow playfully (since we know I don’t know how to wink). And still nothing. But he KEPT staring at me. This was the point at which I sent the frustrated ping. I am not a window display in the mall, sir – either decide you want to try on that outfit (me lol), or keep it moving lol.

Anyway, all that to say, I definitely believe that the woman is supposed to let a guy know that she’s approachable. I get that a woman surrounded by a bunch of folks can be intimidating for some guys, but dang – the dude who’s breath smells and just wants to hit it and quit it somehow has the cajones to come up to me, but not the sexy, quiet one? No fair. In the end, I think the guy still needs to be the one to actually make that move (at least for me). Maybe next time I’ll remember to bring my camera and use the camera trick… we’ll see lol.

16 08 2010
countryclubbarbie

Well, you didn’t explain that you gave him a bunch of ins. In that case, he’s just lame.

But, you should try the camera trick. Just make sure that after he snaps the picture you bounce. It doesn’t work if you keep hanging around. You still have to make him come find you 😉

16 08 2010
dbaham

I mean, who knows. Maybe he didn’t think my ins were good enough. eh – those were all I had the energy for at the time lol. I had absolutely NO liquid courage going on, so that was all I had for him.

and lol, I’ll keep the camera trick in mind next time. Gotta remember to bring the camera though 🙂

16 08 2010
klaing

a rare comment (I know, I know, i should do better lol), but I say cut the brother some slack. It’s been my experience that the more “into” a girl I am, the more likely I had to be shy at first. the only times I’m not at least a little cautious is when I don’t care how it turns out. So consider it a compliment, at least initial. Now if some month’s go by, then absolutely he should have figured out that clothed mouths don’t get fed (or his boys should have told him to put up or shut up lol).

16 08 2010
dbaham

Klaing: this is why I enjoy male commenters. You bring a different perspective. Thing is though, the situation you mentioned is a bit different, I think. If you know that you’ll have multiple chances to see this person, then maybe you can lay back for a bit for a bit. But if you’re not sure if you’re going to see this person again – I’m more than sure that you would approach her (if you were really interested in her).

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