“Eventually you’ll stop denying it and realize you and I are supposed to be together. You know we have a connection here, but you keep laughing it off and running from it.”
A friend of mine hit me with this gem a few months ago when I was deciding whether or not I was going to leave DC or stay. Shock aside, since he’d never said anything even remotely about us being together before and because I couldn’t possibly handle that bombshell at that point, he actually made me think about something once I took a step back and gave it a second look.
What makes us decide we want to be with one person and not the other?
I’m sure we’ve all been there before. You have people in your life who, sure you have a connection with them, but you just don’t see yourself having a relationship with them – for whatever reason. For this guy, I think I know what our reasons are… one of them being that I just never thought of him in that way. He’s attractive. He’s funny. He’s educated. And guess what, he’s also someone that I was intent on hooking up with one of my girls last year. I clearly now understand why that didn’t work out lol.
But the deeper question is why didn’t I ever think of him for me? Clearly I thought he was a good enough catch for one of my girls (which, by the way, is NO easy feat!), but I admittedly never thought of him for me.
I still can’t quite pinpoint one major reason except to say that I couldn’t envision us together. I never saw our couple picture in my head… And whether right or wrong, I think you need to be able to see yourself progressing with someone if you’re actually going to try and build a relationship with them. Now, of course, if its just a fling or something casual, then that’s whatever, but I’m not typically into risking friendships for casual things. They’re too many fish (and guys willing to be a boy toy) for all of that.
The same concept works the other way just as much. As many guys who I’ve felt bad telling them that I didn’t see them in that way, there have been guys who’ve felt the same way about me. They haven’t phrased it in the same manner, but wanting to spend time with you and have sex with you but not wanting to move forward into a relationship is the action equivalent of this feeling.
Those guys, for their own reasons, didn’t see us as a couple. And while that may be hard for most folks to hear when you’re the one being rejected, it’s typically a very honest feeling. And it’s something that like chemistry can’t be forced.
After what my friend said to me, I decided to give the thought of us a second look… Well really, a first real look… And you know what? I still didn’t see it. I still didn’t see us. Does that make me a bad person? No. Does it make him any less a good guy? No. It just is. It’s a lesson we all have to learn… Not everyone you like will like you back. Sometimes a second look will work and you guys can see if something comes from it. And sometimes, it won’t.