How to get UN-caught up…

1 07 2010

“I can’t believe I fell for your schemes; I’m smarter than that. So dumb and naive to believe that with me, you’re a changed man. Foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women; it took me some time, but now I’ve moved on.” ~ Beyonce/ Me, Myself, and I

One of my favorite blogs recently did a post about how women get caught up on some dumb ish by men. In a nutshell, it goes back to what I talked about previously on It’s Really Not that Complicated, that we as women find ways to believe in the small thing a guy does that fits in line with what we want, totally forgetting about the other stuff. Sure he was a jerk and didn’t call you the past week, but he showed up on a random night, gave you a great man hug (while smelling great!), talked to you for a little while – and suddenly all is forgiven. We make excuses for BS behavior because we like the man and before you know it, you’re caught the hell up.

While VSB rightfully identified some ways that this occurs, I’d much rather discuss how to get the hell out. Now, recognize that this is not a new phenomenon. Many women have discussed the idea, from Jazmine Sullivan’s new single to Mariah Carey’s Circles to even the legendary Gladys Knight in Neither One of Us. This problem of not being able to let go of a man you know isn’t good for you has been around for ages – so how come we haven’t figured out how to solve it after all this time?

Well the simple answer is that we know the answer; it’s just not always easy to do what you know you should do. It’s not hard to understand that the easiest way to get out of a situation where you’re caught up is to LEAVE. But here’s the thing, if it were that easy – you wouldn’t really be caught up, now would you?

So here are a few tips from me (certainly no expert, but someone who’s had to get herself out of a caught up situation or two). And hey, I can at least tell you what not to do (I certainly know plenty of don’ts in this arena):

1. Do take a hiatus from him. Whether you want to call it a he-tox or a boycott or whatever, the best thing to do is remove yourself from the source of temptation. This will not be easy. And you shouldn’t go into it thinking that it will be easy, for if it were easy – you wouldn’t be reading this post for advice, you’d be reading it for entertainment. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can get over someone that you’re constantly around – here’s an extra tip from me: You cannot. It’s not humanly possible.

Take the break.

2. After the break, assess things and determine if you can actually be friends with this man. I know a lot of people say that’s what they want, but if it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t be friends with everyone. I’ll discuss this in depth at a later time, but truthfully – chances are very good that you won’t be able to be friends with this guy. Friends, by the way, does not mean keeping yourself in his life, hoping that he’ll come back in a more-than-friends capacity. Just in case you were wondering.

3. Eliminate all talk about the guy. Yes, we girls definitely like to talk about the guys in our lives. I mean, seriously – the easiest way to know your homegirl likes a guy is if she manages to mention his name more than 50 times in a span of 3 minutes. Really, homegirl, I didn’t realize that *Frank* had anything to do with our conversation about Spanish literature. Oh, he took Spanish in 3rd grade? Ohhhhhh okay. #sideyeforreal

(note: I am just as guilty of this as the next woman, that’s why I know how true it is)

4. Twitter and Facebook – I’m not going to say you need to deactivate your account or anything, but if your Facebook is as evil as mine is, the very person whose status you don’t want to know is the very person who’s at the TOP of your newsfeed. Thanks Facebook, appreciate that greatly. If you’re not able to handle this, maybe you just don’t go on it for a few days. Hopefully by that time, your Facebook settings will have changed from evilsuckerface to tolerable again. If that still doesn’t work – you can always hide him on your newsfeed. Not sure what you can do on Twitter, but there’s gotta be an equivalent to hiding on there as well.

Note: you can also unfriend or stop following him on Twitter – but I’m of the belief that that’s kind of childish. Maybe that’s just me, though. *Kanye shrug*

5. Take a picture you have of said man and get it made into a dart board. Then, anytime you have the urge to make a call when you shouldn’t… simply take those darts out and start aiming. I haven’t tried this particular method yet, but I can’t see how it could go wrong lol.

—– don’t say I never gave you guys innovative stuff here. Especially that last one; don’t be surprised if you find out I have a fascination with darts soon. Good luck getting un-caught up and Have a Great 4th of July Weekend!!! 🙂

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2 responses

8 07 2010
Veronica

I also say, when you get the urge to call or start getting all misty and reminiscent… think of the gross things you HATED about him.

i.e. He ate like a caveman. Or that he sounded like a deaf hyena when he laughed. Or that his feet looked like he played soccer with hubcaps.

Trust me. It works everytime. And it’s good for a good giggle.

8 07 2010
dbaham

ha ha ha – see, I can always count on V! That’s an excellent suggestion!

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