Complicated Part Deux

10 06 2010

“What kind of fuckery is this?” ~ Amy Winehouse/ Me and Mr. Jones

So the last time, I talked about how, as women – we need to understand that things aren’t always complicated when it comes to men and relationships. And while I definitely still feel this way, trust me when I say – that belief does not exclude any sense of culpability on the part of men. To be clear – I think that sometimes men make the situation far more complicated than it needs to be. All this talk about men being simple always make me laugh. Because yes, on the surface, men are simple. They want food, sex, and money – and not necessarily in that order. But to leave it at that, takes away the fact that men are human and therefore bring complications into a situation as well sometimes. Complications that often can be avoided by simply being upfront with your intentions, even if those intentions are simply that you’re trying to figure it out right now.

I mean, really – what sense does it make for you to go through all the motions of wining and dining a chick, making her like you and wanting more, when all the time you knew that your intentions were just to bed her? Doesn’t that take up more energy than necessary? Because contrary to (male) popular belief, a woman isn’t always searching for a man to fulfill her every dreams. (quick sideEYE to those who think this way!) So maybe, just maybe, she’s down for the same thing you are – but because you assume that she’s not, you then put her in a situation that could have been avoided from the beginning.

Like Whitney Houston sang awhile back… “if you’d have told me from the start, that you’re playing around, it would have been FINE” – because she could have had her fun too! The guys reading this right now are probably thinking to themselves that this is a bunch of BS because they’ve been in situations before where they thought they had an understanding with the woman and she caught feelings. Okay – that happens. That’s life. Sometimes women who’s hearts live in their vaginas try to step into a role that they can’t handle. And sometimes shit just happens and you start liking the one person you didn’t think you would like. But I would argue, far more times than not, the understanding isn’t as greatly communicated as it should be, and that’s where the complications arise.

By now, you know that I’m not one to say a girl or a guy can’t get their rssfeed on everyone once in awhile. Hey – if you’re single, he’s single and you both have needs that you want satisfied… go ahead. Knock your socks off. But communicate. Because if the woman tells you that she feels cuddling is intimate and should only be done with someone she’s doing more than having sex with – maybe you shouldn’t hold her all night while you’re sleeping. Or maybe you shouldn’t take her on dates or cook for her or make non-sexual plans with her if all you want is some sexual healing. #justsaying.

This is not just about sex, though. Sex just happens to be an easy example. This is about the times when any woman has ever had a guy tell her that he doesn’t want her to see anyone else but him, but he’s not sure about this whole exclusive thing. This is about the times when a guy gets upset because a woman calls him out about consistently wanting to see her, but saying that he doesn’t want to date anyone – in the same breath. This is about the times when a guy has told a woman that he could fall for her, but not right now – because circumstances aren’t right. Or how she will make some guy very happy one day, but not him and not today…. oh but wait, that doesn’t mean we can’t still spend time together, right?

No really – what kind of fuckery is this?

Yes, it’s up to the woman (it’s up to US ladies!) to have discernment and get that – at their best, these are excuses meant to keep you in his life until he’s “ready” and at their worst… they’re just straight BS. But did we all forget what our parents and teachers taught us way back in the day? I remember my mom drilled it into my skull (along with a few other notables) a long time ago: Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

It’s a simple concept – but it can go so far.

If you don’t want to pursue anything with a woman beyond some dates and some casual fun – say that! You never know what her response might be. She might just agree… but at the very least – it’s only right to give her the chance to decide. It’s pure bull shit when you don’t.  And confusing. And guess what else – complicated.

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2 responses

11 06 2010
countryclubbarbie

Fuckery indeed. And I love how your picture bleeps out “bullsh*t” on the quote but then says it on the button.

Anyway, I had lots to say yesterday, but I forgot it all . . . when I remember, I’ll be back. But, I’m cosigning. Cuz I’m that girl who has the guy who wants me to only date him while he dates me, her and her too!

11 06 2010
dbaham

HA! I didn’t even realize that – oh wells, that’s best anyway, since I do that all the time too lol

— and lol to you forgetting. And trust – I’ve been that girl as well. In fact, all the examples listed in here have been said to me at one point by some fool or another. Just so happens more than one of us can relate lol

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