How to Avoid Sex – no, really…

2 06 2010

“Please stop. I’m powerless to your seduction!” – me (embarrassingly)

I think my propensity for word vomit is fairly well known if you’re a regular reader here. If you’re not, just know that I tend to blurt out the most embarrassing statements when it comes to guys I actually like. If I’m just flirting to flirt or whatever, I’m as cool as the other side of the pillow – but when I really like the guy, well you get statements like the quote above. Trust me, not one of my proudest moments. (You can also click on any of the links and read for yourself – wink, wink.)

But in my defense, this particular vomit came in a rather intense make-out session with a guy who I wanted to have sex with but didn’t want to have  sex with. For the guys reading this – no I didn’t just lose my mind. I almost did that night though, and after trying to will myself from his embrace, lips, hands, ET CETERA!!!!!… at least 3 times prior, the only thing that I could do was say that. Well, really it came out more like a whispery plea, but get you the point.

And funny enough, it did stop things.

What? You didn’t think that would be enough to stop 2 people dead in the heat of passion?! Welp, let me tell you – I’m sure if someone said it to you, it would certainly be enough to make you go “what?!” and then proceed to pump your brakes lol.  Pimp C laughed a full 3 minutes when I told her about this word vomit. I’ll give you 3 seconds… 3…2…1…  Anyway, so that this doesn’t happen again or happen to you for the first time, I figured I’d try to come up with 4 ways to stop sex without embarrassing yourself.

1. Try not to make-out on the bed

Sure you could just as easily have sex on the sofa, chair, dinner table, or kitchen counter top – but something about the bed probably just already implies that this isn’t stopping at kissing. So it’s probably best to stay away from the thing that will allow you to kiss and lie down on top of each other at the same time. Just a thought…

2. Keep your clothes on – yes, all of them.

I know you’re saying duh right now, but you’d be surprised at how easily a bra can come off or a shirt can be pulled up and off while kissing. But if none of these things happen and you keep even your shoes on (which shouldn’t be a problem because you’re not on the bed), you may be less likely to fall into a trap.

3. “I’m on my period.”

Sure fire way to halt the activities – just say those four words. And since we’re all post 12 years old, this shouldn’t be embarrassing at all – unless he knows you’re lying because he’s figured out your cycle. Then, you may have to resort to # 4.

4. Set your phone to go off at a certain time.

Yes, this sounds drastic, but sometimes certain situations call for drastic measures. Once this alarm goes off, you simply say, “Oh… I’m sorry, I need to be somewhere bla bla bla,” and then get the hell out of there!

Now, of course you could just not put yourself in the situation in the first place or you could be responsible and just say to him – I’m not having sex with you tonight – but really, if you could think that rationally at that moment, the moment of passion isn’t all that great anyway. Sorry – just truth.

Any ideas I missed? And have you ever found yourself in this situation? Or is it just me…

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4 responses

22 06 2010
Shamelessness

Cry.

It sux, it’s embarasing but it works. No one wants to deal with some freak with their face all covered in tears and snot when they are trying to get laid. I had to resort to this a few weeks ago when I found myself about to cheat. My head was screaming “NO! Don’t do it, your a bad person! Don’t cheat! ” but my body was like “Shut the hell up brain and let me do my thing!”

Well, obviously the thought of cheating wasn’t enough to make me stop so, I just started thinking about my dead grandma. As messed up as that sounds, it did the job. I was totally turned off by the thought and then started to cry. Dude was like, “Look at the time, I gotta go.”

Granted, there are two flaws in this approach. First, they prob wont ever call you again so don’t do it unless you really don’t care to see them again. Second, it may backfire. You may get one of those guys who wants to make everything okay and talk about it and hold you and cuddle all night or until you stop crying and then start all over again with the kissing and temptation.

22 06 2010
dbaham

Welcome to CVS!!! Wooot!

Now, on to your comment – initially I fell out laughing reading your post and then I remembered… wait, I have cried before (granted I wasn’t purposely doing it to prevent having sex like you LOL… naughty, naught), and it totally just made us have “I want to comfort you” sex. So like you said – that may not work.

Although, I suppose if the crying is on the level of tears streaming down, losing your breath, ugly crying – there’s absolutely no way a guy’s still going to try and have sex with you then. And if he does, you take that time to turn away from him and say, “I CAN’T! I JUST CAN’T!!!”

Okay – I’m getting way to invested in your scenario now… but kudos to you for not cheating. WOOT!

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