The Jump to Pregnancy

11 12 2009

There are some things I feel like I learned a long time ago and then there are some things that I learn as I continue to get older. The fact that “there’s something I want to tell you” automatically means “I’m pregnant” to most men is probably in the latter category. I find it pretty hilarious actually – how one jumps from something so simple to the idea of the woman being pregnant. I mean really – really?! Can someone explain this to me… because even though I know it’s the case, I still don’t think I understand it. Maybe because it’s like one of the big scary moments of a guy’s life who isn’t planning to have a baby – so they’re constantly worried it’s going to happen? I don’t know…

But either way, I figure this means there are some other things that naturally are just misinterpreted between men and women. Here are a few I came up with:

  • If a girl says she wants you to come over to watch movies, she typically means that she wants you to come over and watch movies. The problem is that guys get this confused because when they say it, they mean “I want you to come over so we can have sex.” Girls say “I want to see you tonight” when they want to bone… slight differences… major implications.
  • “I’ve never done this before” or any variation of it. To a man, this means I’ve done this 50 times but I don’t want you to think I’m a slutbagwhore. Really, it means “I’ve either done this once before or I’ve thought about it about 50 times, and I don’t want you to think I’m a slutbagwhore.” See the difference there? No? Cuz it’s there… look closer.
  • “What are we doing here?” – okay I actually learned this a very long time ago, but I still think it’s hilarious how a question can turn into a presumption. Of course, by now you probably know that most guys assume this means something to the effect of “I want to marry you, have your babies, tie you down forever and ever, and make sure you have no fun in life again.” Usually though, it just means – hey, I’m kinda confused about where I stand with you… what are we doing here?

And guys say we’re the complicated ones lol. I know I’ve missed some others – feel free to add to the list.

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