The Best Way to Say Goodbye

7 12 2009

I watch “The Hills” on MTV… and for anyone who doesn’t watch “The Hills,” let me give you a brief explanation on the relationship of Audrina and Justin Bobby. Basically, they met, dated, kinda sorta were together on and off for like 4 years and have been trying to end it with each other all this time. Why are they trying to end it, but still end up staying together, you ask? Because they do things like Audrina’s recent suggestion that she needed to see Justin “just one more time” for closure, even though the last time she went to have a conversation with him for closure, he professed his love for her over every other woman he’s ever been with – and then one week later (in The Hills time, of course), he was telling her how she actually didn’t mean all that much to him and he was sprung over this other chick.

Okay – now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “what does she need closure for, again?” I mean, really – it’s pretty clear that the dude doesn’t really want to be with her, he kind of just likes the fact that she’s around sometimes – maybe. But for whatever reason – she just keeps going back, supposedly for closure. Does anyone else see how this is just a bad soap opera story that’s on repeat?

I mean, talk about Another Sad Love Song, huh Toni?

But here’s the thing – as silly as we all think Audrina is (and I’m assuming we all do), I’ve been there, done that as well and I’m sure she and I are not the only ones. And quite possibly the best thing I learned from continuing to try to find closure or say goodbye or whatever excuse I made to see him was this: the best way to say goodbye is not to say anything at all.

No calls. No meeting up with folks. No letters expressing your deepest regrets. Certainly no dramatic outcrys. Just simply be done with the situation. Be really done. And trust me – he or she will get that it’s over. Now before anyone comes at me – I’m not saying that when you’re breaking up, you can’t have a final conversation with the person to settle things. I’m just saying that more than one, constant seeking of closure, is not saying goodbye – it’s a possibly subconscious attempt to stay involved, it’s a desire to hold on as long as possible, it’s an attempt to get at the most unanswerable question ever created (why?)… but it is not, and let me be very clear on this, it is NOT saying goodbye.

Think about it this way. You remember in high school when you would be on the phone with your boo? After some time, it would come to the point in the conversation where you guys had to get off the phone. And a lot of you (ahem, me too) would go through this ritual where one person would say, “Okay, I’m getting off the phone now.” And the other person would say, “okay, you hang up first.” “No, you hang up first.” “Okay, we’ll both hang up on the count of 3. 1,2, 3….” And you’re both still on the damn phone 5 minutes later, still trying to say goodbye. That’s the equivalent of what Audrina is doing.

When really… like those two high schoolers, she should just hang up the phone. That’s the most effective goodbye there is.




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