Nice Guy {Updated}

28 09 2009

There’s this resounding theory from a lot of men that I know that “nice guys tend to finish last.” It’s a very interesting sentiment, considering I rarely hear my girls say anything like, “shoot… a nice guy? who wants that? – not me!” Seriously – I’ve never heard a woman say that before. What recently occurred to me though, is that there seems to be a misunderstanding of what it actually means to be a nice guy. So seeing as I’m a nice girl, I’m gonna break down for you guys the differences between nice and say, I don’t know – crazy. woman slapping man

I especially realized the importance of understanding these distinctions after my last post. I would never have believed that guys would have sympathized with stalker Jason, and yet – I found myself getting calls from guy friends telling me how “my problem was that I don’t like nice guys.” Again, I say – women like nice guys. What we don’t like – fools who think they’re nice guys and they’re not.

Let’s see the differences here:

Incident Nice Guy Other
1. the approach Asks for your name and number Crazy: Asks when you can get married before your name
Says, “hi my name is ____, what’s yours?” Fool: says something like, “say boo! What’s yo name?”
Shakes your hand Tries to touch your ass
2. first conversation Finds out the basics, let’s the conversation flow naturally Tells you that he’s told a coworker you may be the one
Offers a chance for a date Asks you when he can come over to get some
3. the relationship Let’s the relationship run it’s natural course and become what it will be Tries to force the relationship into something it’s not ie: a friend trying to make that into something more when there’s been no indication of the relationship progressing in that manner
Ie2: runs away from what the relationship seems to be developing into
4. the break-up Calls or says in person the truth, making it clear that things are over, but not in a rude way Texts, facebooks, tweets, emails anything… does not make it clear that relationship is over, and/or says it in a rude manner

Now, these are just a few examples of the differences. However, the main point that needs to be understood is that being a nice guy is not a default position. From what I can gather, a lot of guys tend to think that they’re “nice” because they don’t do whatever horrible thing that their friend who’s unapologetically not nice, does do. But no sir, that does not make you a nice guy!

You aren’t nice because you don’t cheat – if you are steadily stringing every girl around that you date so that it’s not cheating because you’ve Title -never given her the title. You aren’t nice by default if you don’t curse your girl out, but you wait a week to call her. You’re just not a jerk in that other way! lol… basically, I’m just tired of people thinking they’re good because they’re not Bobby Brown, but they’re Usher – get that mess out of here!

Ladies, are you feeling me? What other examples did I miss? And guys, what’s the deal – why does every guy think he’s nice and think every other guy isn’t? lol

* CCB reminded me that I forgot another very important distinction – and it was soooo important that I felt it needed to officially go into the post. Being a “yes man” does not make you a nice guy either. I once went on a date with a “yes man” and it was truly one of the worst experiences of my life. I blame that date on the fact that I went back to BJ, because a girl’s going to pick a slimeball with a spine over a “yes man” any day. The second guy may not be perfect – but at least he’s got some balls. lol… read the comments for further explanation of this category 🙂

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8 responses

28 09 2009
countryclubbarbie

OMG! Get out of my head! I definitely had this conversation the other night!

Cuh-razy!

And, we came to the exact same conclusion! That, not being a jerk doesn’t mean that you’re nice.

I’d also like to add another caveat to the “nice guy” thing . . . being a complete “yes man” doesn’t make you nice. It makes you spineless. I can think of one person in particular (and no, not HMCA) who has “yes man” tendencies. I have a hard time thinking of you as nice . . . i just think of you as weak. But it’s always “girls walk all over me, they don’t want me, I’m a nice guy.” Girls don’t walk all over you because you’re nice. They walk all over you because you let them. There is a difference.

So while men are learning the difference between being nice and just not being as big a jerk as the next guy – also learn the difference between being “Weak” and being “nice.”

Rant over.

28 09 2009
dbaham

See – and that is why we are *HERE*!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ummm, how could I forget about the spineless yes man?!?!?! I will be officially updating that to the post, because it’s just that necessary. As you can see, I completely agree with your sentiment. Be a man! ugh…. if you constantly roll yourself out as a welcome mat to folks, they’re gonna constantly keep walking right over you, wiping their dirty shoes on you, and moving on to the next big thing – the actual nice guy.

And I cannot stress enough how not being as much a jerk as the next person does not make you nice. It just means you’re not as much a jerk as the next person. That would be like a girl who’s 300lbs saying she’s not fat because she’s not as big as Ruby or Big Pun… naw boo, you’re still fat – just not as fat as them! LOL

….and that is all! LOL

28 09 2009
countryclubbarbie

But, the girl might be “fat and proud, b*tch!”

Let the giggle fest commence!!!!!!!

28 09 2009
dbaham

Oh Gosh…. I can’t take it!!!!!!!!!

It’s like someone is straight tickling me in my chair right now…. D-magic getting fired in 10, 9, 8, 7…. LMAO!

28 09 2009
countryclubbarbie

Ummm why did I just picture Boys II Men counting down?

Ten, nine, eight, seven . . . sixfive . . . fourthree . . . two . . . onnnnnnne . . .

Injection fellas!

28 09 2009
dbaham

I have just been given my box to put all my stuff in it – LMAO!

I’m done.

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