Verbal Diarrhea

27 08 2009

Verbal Diarrhea = the act of letting your mouth speak before your brain has the ability to stop it.

Hypothetical Example – let’s say you decided one day to play in a friend’s honesty box and tell him that you think he’s pretty freakin fantastic. Let’s also say that this was originally a joke, but after days of anonymous conversations (at least for him), you begin to realize that you actually kinda do think he may be pretty freakin fantastic. But even after several attempts to get you to reveal yourself, you stand your ground and don’t give in.

Now (hypothetically, of course – shout out to Lyfe Jennings), say you then spend a night (okay a couple hours) of kissing and eye contacting with smiles with this same guy, and after a couple of these kisses, you blurt out something that clearly proves you are the honesty box perpetrator. If done intentionally, this is not verbal diarrhea – it’s either a strategic decision to wait until this moment to zipper lipsgive yourself away or you changed your mind (a la Keyshia Cole) and decided now was as good a time as any to tell him. BUT, if as soon as the words come out of your mouth, your soul sinks into the ground and you wish your lips had a zipper on them – that would be a clear case of verbal diarrhea.

Example aside, you may or may not have experienced a time when you had verbal diarrhea. I for one, have – unfortunately. And usually what happens is that as soon as I say whatever it was, I start kicking myself (not literally of course), not because of the other person’s reaction, but because it was probably something I didn’t ever intend on saying.

This same thing happened with Jake on my bday – the verbal diarrhea, not the example.

So you see, my mouth has a tendency to get me in trouble, trouble – but not in the way of normal people or the freaks reading the text sideways. It’s kind of how I cry too… I tend to hold it all in until it eventually just comes spazzing out – except with this, there’s actual words. Words that can be used against you one day. Words that you can regret. Words that can make you kick yourself (both literally and metaphorically… And hypothetically too, I suppose).

Now, there are some of you who would say that this verbal diarrhea really isn’t that big of a problem – let me show you just how wrong you are.

First, let me say that it tends to happen with guys – with guys I am extremely attracted to – and who I try to control my impulses with – but can’t.

Case in point – Corny Dude. (By the way, Corny Dude didn’t get his nickname until AFTER the verbal diarrhea episode… Otherwise, this case wouldn’t be that bad). Anyway, I’d known Corny Dude since my freshman year at Howard. He was cute/sexy/fine… Of course had SWT… And he was one of those guys you could bring home to mama. Problem was – he was a senior, I was a freshman, and he looked at me like a little sister. Oh JOY! Skip a bunch of years (like say, 7) and Corny Dude moves back to DC, we exchange information to keep in touch, and whatdoyouknow? I just happened to have been throwing a party soon. He came to the party, of course lol,  and towards the end of the night, we ended up alone – away from the party, talking and flirting…. And then…. He kissed me.

And I busted out with…. Wait for it…… “Whew! That was… WOW.”

I’ll pause while you compose yourself from laughter…


Okay, now… done? yeah? Back to the point –
REALLY?! Who says that?! I’ll tell you who – a girl who doesn’t want to get kissed again by a corny dude. Lol – clearly that never worked out.

Then there was the incident from my birthday where I told Jake I still had feelings for him… And even though he said he did too, and it ended up being a VERY long conversation about us, afterward – guess where that led to as well – nowhere.

speak no evilAnd here’s my theory why: that as much as it may sound cute to randomly blurt out your likings for a guy (on whatever level those likings may be), and as much as your friends may enjoy hearing the funny story over and over and over again – it basically takes the mystery out of you.

And as my new favorite blog said recently, “no guy wants a girl to go after him.” He wants to be the chaser and he can’t do that if you’re blurting out crazy thoughts after nights of kissing and eye gazing/smiling (hypothetically).

Can he?




7 responses

14 10 2009
The Upside of Anger « Barbie's Dream House

[…] person is right. I haven’t been meaning to rant a lot.  They’ve just kind of been coming out, like word vomit.  And, I was all prepared to go on another rant about how I want a boyfriend (because, well the […]

14 04 2010
The Answer you REALLY don’t want « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] through trickery or blame it on my sick sick journalistic mind… but for whatever reason, the words came out before I could stop myself and the next thing I knew I’d asked “How many women have you had sex […]

2 06 2010
How to Avoid Sex – no, really… « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] fairly well known if you’re a regular reader here. If you’re not, just know that I tend to blurt out the most embarrassing statements when it comes to guys I actually like. If I’m just flirting to flirt or whatever, I’m […]

20 06 2010
Rules of Engagement « Barbie's Dream House

[…] only appropos, the first time, pre-fling, to lead to the fling), stargazing, having dinner again (which, I invited him to in a word-vomity note) and watching the NBA Finals.  The problem with doing non-fling activities is that it gives you a […]

23 09 2010
Rules Schmools « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] get me wrong, some things are just common sense. Hey, you might not want to kiss a guy and then hit him with the “WHEW! That was amazing” comm… because it probably seems like you haven’t kissed anyone in 22 years, and you’re 25. […]

9 11 2011
Tips for My Future Husband – #3 « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] give you good material. But whether it’s simply an embarrassing moment or one of my infamous word vomit occasions, or whether I’m desperately trying to remember a joke that someone much funnier than me told […]

18 01 2012
The New Facebook Timeline Makes Me Think of Other Things I want to Purge « Choices, Voices, and Sole

[…] divulged embarrassing moments on here (usually of the word vomit variety), waxed poetic about my bad decisions with Jake and Cosby, and lamented about break-ups and first […]

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