“Fallen, Head over heels, I’ve fallen, In love like with you, I’ve fallen, And I can’t get up, Don’t wanna get up, Because of love like” ~ Maya (Fallen)
Alright ladies and gents – your girl needs help. I am in some serious deep shiz over here, and it’s alllll my fault. I can’t blame anyone but myself for this stoopid predicament that I’m in… but unfortunately, as with most people who have fallen and can’t get up… I’m going to need your strong arms to help pull me up from the bottom step of the 10 flights I have fallen from.
Yes, it’s that deep.
Okay, I may be exaggerating a bit – but go with me here.
In the last post, I mentioned Cosby Show to you guys. Cosby actually has a couple names, the Kapper being another one, seeing as he’s been mentioned on the blog a few different times (but don’t worry, one name he does not share is Jake). Although, at this point – hell, he might as well. Anyway, Cosby and I have known each other for 5 years. And it’s been a fairly smooth friendship.
We met. He liked me. I liked him but I was going through a boy-cott stage in my life, so where something could have happened, nothing really did happen – except a little rss feed every once in awhile. And on we went for a couple years. We pretty much had a very good understanding – you’re cool, but we most likely wont work out, so let’s just keep it at what we do best. And on we went for some more time. Anytime either one of us would get into a relationship, we’d cut things off, but inevitably, we’d find our way back – since clearly as I’ve stated, we’ve been doing this for 5 years now.
Now let me tell you some thangs about Cosby. He’s fun and tempting and passionate, but he can be a bit of an ass sometimes. Which is why we would very often clash when having actual conversations. But about 8 months ago, he decided that he wanted to work on himself (physically, mentally, and spiritually). Soon after, I decided to give up coital activities for Lent and figured I wouldn’t hear from him during that period. I was wrong.
We didn’t talk a whole lot, but when we did – things were a bit different. Not completely different, but enough for me to think, ‘okay, that was different.’ The biggest difference though was that our conversations were not pre-sex conversations (well, obvs right? lol), it just was conversational. Not something you do with your cut buddy, people… not something you do at all. And the next thing I knew… we were talking just to talk/flirting just to flirt (and Lent was definitely over) and then we were (GASP) slightly cuddling and spending the night…
Basically, I’d let that damn man fall into the infamous FWB category. That effing category… if I didn’t make it clear in my post about categories, I don’t believe in the FWB category. Don’t get me wrong, I believe it exists, but I don’t believe you should ever engage in it. It’s too gray… it’s too confusing. You’re not just having sex, but you’re not dating. [And to make it perfectly clear – I do, on the other hand, believe that the CB category does work – as long as you dont let him slip into the FWB category.] But with the FWB, all you’re doing is getting caught the eff up.
And I refuse guys – I refuse to be caught up in his gorgeous smile or the little jokes that we have or the fact that our conversations are actually pretty freakin’ great these days or the fact that I know he knows my number by heart or… well you get it, because… to him, I’m still just the go-to girl. (Granted he hasn’t said that, but logic says that no man upgrades cut buddy to wifey – ask any of your guy friends, they’ll tell you).
So being the slightly logical creature that I am, I reached out to my logical friends. Read CCB, LeeLee, Pimp C and my other asshole guy friend (P dawg). I fully expected them all to bite my head off, chastise me for even thinking such ludicrous things and remind me that I talk about the girls who fall for their cuts. None of them did that… well CCB kinda did, but she was having too much fun laughing at me pissing on trees about him to really chastise me like she should lol. The others – do you knooooow what they said? ‘Well, I mean, D-Magic – you can’t exactly expect to be having sex with someone for 5 years and not start to like them in some way?’
Does that sound like chastising to you? No – it does not. Meanwhile, (and I hate admitting this), I can’t stop thinking about him! Or wanting to talk to him. Or giggling whenever anyone mentions his name – I’m pathetic guys. Pure D pathetic…
So this is my cry for help – please talk me out of this nonsense! LMAO! I may not survive…. and you wouldn’t want that travesty on your hands, now would you?……………………………………….. I didnt think so.
PS: I wrote this post a couple days ago and started the Cosby Show detox yesterday – one day at a time guys, one day at a time.
PPS: In case you were wondering what the playlist to this sad sad song of mine would be –
1.starts with commercial where the lady screams “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” mixed into…
2. Fallen (Maya -clearly lol)
3. Notebook (Chrisette Michele – seriously, it’s the writer in me)
4. If Only You Knew (Patti LaBelle – Patti just kinda has to be on any playlist I create lol)
5. Silly (Denise Williams – classic song, classic feeling)
And 5 is more than enough… LOL