Never Ever

9 02 2009

“If that boy dont love you by now, he will never ever, never ever love you.”

You know what’s funny, up until this song, I was definitely feeling like my boy Mike about Ciara when he said she needed to find her voice in music. I’m not saying she’s found it yet, but she’s certainly helped me with another topic for the blog and hey, thats always a plus in my book. lol

It’s an interesting concept, really. And not one that I can say I’m unfamiliar with. Let me get a little personal with yall. There once was this boy that I loved, only problem was that I felt he cared for me… clearly not the same, right? Anyway, we got into an interesting conversation one night, where I basically told him something very similar to Ciara’s chant in this song… that he hadnt fallen in love with me by then, so I knew he never would. This same boy looked at me as if I was crazy. Afterall, how could I tell him what feelings he would have and how his would grow.

But really, as I told him and I believe Ciara means the same thing in this song, it’s not whether his feelings would grow, it’s that I had finally decided to stop waiting and realized whatever his feelings would be, they wouldnt be good enough for me. He would never ever love me like I wanted him to. I bring this topic up because it seems to be prevalent in our discussions lately these days, with Ciara’s song and now with He’s Just Not THAT into You opening this weekend. (Side note: every woman, and I mean every woman, should either read the book or movie at some point in your life. Yes, it doesnt allow for grey situations, but it will stop you from giving those lame excuses women give about men all the time.)

In the movie (and book), they give examples of when you should just resign yourself to the fact that a relationship between you and the guy isnt going to happen. If he isnt calling, if he isnt asking you out (ie pursuing you), and if he’s married… chances are you’re not the one for him. Really, more accurately their point is that if the rule is 9 out of 10 times you’re not the one for him, expect to be the rule and not the exception.

That’s a hard stance for a lot of us to take. Women these days are being told to be more aggressive and go for theirs. Heck, I’ve even lauded the benefits of women come hithering men instead of the other way around lol. But I dont think thats what the book, the movie, or the song means. I think they’re all trying to say the same thing: if the signs point to him giving you so-called mixed messages or you dont understand where you stand with this man, the reality is that you do. One of my cousins told me a couple years ago (after the situation I talked about above) that if a man wants you, he’s going to make damn sure that no one has the opportunity to be with you, but him. And no excuse possible will stop that (unless you dont want him back, of course lol). Oh, but if he really doesnt want you… he will never ever want you, and you should move on.

What do you guys think? Is this the rule when it comes to dating? Or just a bunch of poppy cock in the long line of poppy cock out there?

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2 responses

13 02 2009
Veronica

I say it’s the rule. It would save a whole lot of whining, aching and moaning when we get over ourselves and realize it.

Let’s face it… we don’t want to accept that a guy wouldn’t want to be with us because that BRUISES OUR EGO. Bruises the hell out of it. So instead of facing reality, we wait, make excuses, analyze everything, until A) we’ve driven ourselves crazy, or B) we get a serious reality check from the one we’re pining after — or his friend.

Yes, society’s changing, but I believe some things simply come down to biology, and you can’t beat biology. So if someone wants you, you’ll know — and if someone doesn’t, you’ll have to be honest with yourself about that too.

13 02 2009
dbaham

I wholeheartedly agree V!!!! but when I say things like this, people always try to say I’m jaded or I’m not allowing for gray situations. I say, it’s not either… I just can’t wait until less women play themselves waiting for a guy to want them more than he ever will. I would argue thats actually the exact opposite of jaded… it’s optimistic for our gender……….. right? lol

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