6 01 2009




I was running around my 2 bedroom apartment like a chicken with it’s head cut off and stubbed my foot right on the corner of my desk. Definitely not a good sign. But I pressed on, rubbed my right foot for a second, examined it to make sure I hadn’t damaged it to the point that any marks would be left, and continued running around the apartment, throwing clothes all over my newly renovated 2nd bedroom/closet/office.


It wasn’t until I stubbed my left foot on the doorway that I finally decided I needed to stop for a second. I’d been driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I could possibly wear for such a crazy event. I mean, who would’ve thought that I would be attending my ex’s wedding today. Me?! No, seriously… me attending my ex’s wedding?!

chaise-loungeI sat down for a second on my chaise lounge, took a deep breath, reached for my remote and turned on the song that would be getting me through this day. “Congratulations” by Vesta Williams. Unconventional, yes. But as the song began playing, a certain calmness surrounded me. And when she hit the chorus with her screeching proclamation, I sang along… loud and proud… as if Vesta and I were one and all of a sudden I had the ability to sing soprano.



I thought it would have been me
Standin’ here with you
I hope you’re happy
‘Cause as long as I can breathe
You’ll always be the one for me”


I don’t know what it was about that song. Maybe it was that I didn’t want to be like her at the wedding or maybe I was somehow a masochist, but the song had the uncanny ability to calm me unlike any other song that one would assume maybe could calm you in this situation. Regardless… as the song neared its end, I stood up, freshly renewed and determined to do this. I was going to walk into that church and be happy for him, because that’s what he’d asked me to do and that’s what I needed to do to make sure I was completely over him. In a strange way, I needed to see him get married… it would finally end our back and forth relationship, and it would be the closure I needed to move on to the man who was in my future.


I took another deep breath andremembered… “duh, no wonder I’m running around like a crazy person.” I’d started my process of getting guess-nagadressed all backwards… worrying about what my outfit was before I knew what my shoes would be. I stepped into the actual closet-turned-shoe closet of my bedroom-turned-closet and immediately picked up my Guess “Naga” Peep Toe pumps… classic enough not to look like a whore at the wedding, but trendy enough to stand out.


And soon after I’d picked out the ruby red pumps, I knew what outfit to wear. I slipped into my lighter than sky blue pencil skirt, slid on my white ruffled blouse, took the pin curls out of my hair and put on my natural-looking make-up. I’d gone from crazed woman to calm and thai-pursecollected within 45 minutes. Picking up my ruby red Thai purse, I headed out of the apartment and to the church.


When I walked in the church, my brain kept looping the Congratulations song with the click clicking of my heels… somehow sending me into a sound numbing migraine. “Great,” I thought. “The one time I really need the song to soothe me, it’s doing the opposite.” Taking another deep breath, I began to walk through the big 2-door opening from the foyer into the sanctuary… and then I saw him. He was walking through the hallway with his best man attempting to calm him down, and I was standing there, hands on the door, completely still. I was caught in some kind of middle universe where everything stood still and all was silent.


And in that universe, he noticed me. He began walking towards me, taking me in from Guess pump to the eyelashes on my eyes. When he arrived in front of me, it was almost as if he was looking into me. He stared into me when he said, “Hello.”


“Hi,” I responded, with a slight gulp in my throat. We stood there, silent, not needing to say a word. And finally I said the word I’d been singing for the past few days to prepare myself. “Congratulations,” I whispered in his ear as I leaned in. “I’m happy for you”guess-naga-2


I kissed him on his cheek and walked away from the front doors. I’d come for what I needed to come for; there was no need to punish myself anymore than that. Walking out of the front doors of the church, I sang myself to the car. “I thought it should have been meeeeeeeeeeee, but as long as I can breathe, I’ll know you weren’t the one for meeeeeeeeee.”


* Just another attempt at strengthening my short story skills….




3 responses

8 01 2009


I still don’t think I could do it. Maybe that’s why I vaporize them out of my life, so that I never even have to face the prospect.

(Why you want me there anyway? Lol.)

Anyway, thumbs up as usual. (And why did the description of the pin-curls and natural make-up make me wanna go home and play beauty parlor?)

8 01 2009

I’m proud of you. I’m surprised you actually went, and I know that couldn’t have been easy.

8 01 2009

Awww you guys! It was just a fictional story out of my imagination… but glad yall were so concerned lol

@ V: yay to playing beauty parlor… glad I could inspire

@ M: if I EVER call you and say I’m going do something like attend my ex’s wedding (especially THAT boy)… you have permission to use my credit card, book a flight to wherever I am, and slap the piss out of me! No. Really!

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