Asterisk Love

6 10 2008

 

Kim Porter       Diddy

Lil Kim/Faith    Biggie

Nivea               Lil Wayne

 

 

All relationships we’ve seen go back and forth. Relationships where love was supposedly professed, but never enough to stop the eventual break-up, just as a reason for the even more eventual return. But these relationships don’t just happen in celebrities’ lives. We see them in our friends’ lives, our families, maybe even our own.

 

Asterisk Love

 

Being the complete opposite of Agape love: unconditional love, I define asterisk love as not good enough love. As a now self-professed pessimistic hopeless romantic, there was a time when my definition of love was clear. It was that thing between two people (relationship love, that is) that made those people want to sacrifice things to be with that person. It was that something that made any other man or woman disappear in your eyes or that feeling that the other person’s happiness made you happy. I knew it wasn’t all rosy, but I felt like anything that came with it was worth it, and the poem that I felt exemplified this feeling was Nikki Giovanni’s Resignation.

 

Then came Jon Jon, and BJ, and Jake… and as my pessimism grew, I started to believe these types of things about love:

 

“No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.” ~ He’s Just Not that into You

 

While you can see what the author is trying to say in the book, and understanding that he’s taking a very hard stance to shake some folks up, it still presents a HIGHLY negative view of love. And my view point wasn’t completely negative, as I still believed in this quote from the movie, A Lot Like Love: “If you’re not willing to sound stupid, you don’t deserve to be in love,” understanding that often your pride could stop you from being with the person you love.

 

So I thought recently, how could these 2 very different thoughts on love be in the same person? Well, maybe it’s because there isnt just one type of love. I know we tend to think of love as only one way, but maybe there isnt only one way. Maybe, there’s love in the traditional sense, and then there’s love that’s just not good enough.

 

This is where my theory on asterisk love comes in. In all those celebrity relationships I mentioned in the beginning, the main similarity was that those people couldn’t stay apart. Something kept bringing them back together. They loved each other, they said. Now normally, most of us would dismiss that comment. That’s not love, we would say. He can’t love her and still cheat on her like that or still treat her like that, but what we really mean is that he doesn’t LOVE HER ENOUGH to not do those things.

 

And that’s asterisk love: when you love someone enough that the idea of losing them hurts you, but you don’t love them enough to do what you would need to do to keep them. You don’t love them enough to make the sacrifices for them, but it pains you to not have them in your life. That’s selfish love. It’s “all about me” love. It’s asterisk love… and as Veronica and my mom and my friends would say, “you deserve better than that.”

 

It took me awhile to realize this, that someone could love you and it not be good enough. But when you think about it, we’ve been making songs about it for awhile now. Donnell Jones’s “Where I wanna be,” and 112’s “I’m a player,” are perfect examples of men not wanting to lose that person, but not willing to make it work. My friends and I spent so much of our time discrediting those feelings, we never stopped to understand that they’re real and they’re prevalent… and if you find yourself in that situation where someone loves you, but not enough, it can be one of the hardest things to get out of.

 

Ask Kim Porter.

 

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4 responses

6 10 2008
Veronica

“And that’s asterisk love: when you love someone enough that the idea of losing them hurts you, but you don’t love them enough to do what you would need to do to keep them.”

AhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!!! Say that, SAY THAT!

I think we’ve all been there. And though it hurts (in some cases, like hell), I think those experiences are meant to show us what we DO deserve.

The sad part is that some people never learn that lesson.

But I have, and you have, so at least that’s a start.

(Thanks for the shout-out, too. :o) )

6 10 2008
dbaham

yes girl, lessons, lessons…. lol

and you’re welcome!

6 10 2008
*mama with all dat moxie*

well you know that daggone kim porter should’ve never gotten back with puffypdiddyseancombs after he dumped her for j.lo! poor girl just totally played herself. he was all set to marry jenny from around the block, then he gets back with kim, knocks her up with twins and still refuses to marry the child.

oh, how blind we can be for love!!

and by the way, i’ve tagged you for a meme!!

6 10 2008
dbaham

yeah Moxie Mama, you’re right about Ms. Porter… but as E.V.E. would say, “love is blind, it’ll take over you miiiiiind.”

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