What About Your Friends???

6 08 2008

So yesterday, I talked about categories as it relates to men and women in relationships, but what about categories for friends as well, right? I believe that we put our friends in categories, often subconsciously (although sometimes not) ALL THE TIME.

Now, the most obvious categorizing of friends is when you say that someone is your best friend or these people are you best friends. By saying this, you are also in essence saying that everyone who is not named on that list (or in that category) can’t come to you for the same things those people can and you wont go to them for the same things you would go to the other people. We also all know that we have associates, people we think are cool enough, but are not particularly close with. These are possibly people that you work with but have a pretty good relationship with; they may be people you have a good time with when you go out with them, but you wouldnt necessarily indulge your deepest thoughts with them; or they could simply be people that you hang out with because they are a part of your group or circle of friends, but you dont have a relationship outside of that.

But there are far more categories than just those obvious ones. You could have the friend that is more than an associate, but you dont trust her to hold water, so she’s not in the best friend category either… then what do you call her (or him)? Well, I’ll leave that to you to decide… but follow me on this… you’ll come to start realizing you have soooooo many categories in your life that you never quite physically broke down in your head.

In fact, I just recently discovered two myself! I had been racking my brain for the past couple weeks trying to understand the interesting dynamic between male and female friends. Here’s my thing: unlike a lot of male friends, I do believe there is such a thing as a platonic friendship. Most of my guy friends assert that true platonic friendships happen once in a blue moon (if that often) because if you’re really that close to someone of the opposite sex, at some point, someone in the relationship will start to develop feelings for the other person.

The reason they think this way is because they only equate the presence of a possible platonic friend in the category of “best friends.” This is where we differ. I do believe that platonic friendships are rare (going off of the belief that platonic means no one involved is attracted to, thinks of that person in a sexual manner, or has feelings for that person outside of friendship), however, I do not equate them just in the category of “best friends.” To do so, greatly limits the word friend, to me.  (For I believe, you can genuinely call someone your friend, and not have to talk to them every day, every waking minute of the day.)

Anyway, so this difference in belief was starting to bother me. I questioned whether any of my guy friends were real friends to me, because if they believed there was no such thing as a platonic friendship, then what did we have?!?! Thus began the search to identify at least one more category of friends… and in doing so, I came up with two.

Let’s discuss the easiest one to identify 1st: your PB (Platonic Boyfriend). This definition can also be seen on the right of this site under the definitions section (I can teach you, but I have to charge). Your platonic boyfriend is someone who you may very well be attracted to in some way and he may be attracted to you, but you all have made a decision (whether said explicitly or not) that you are better off as friends. However, the key to this friendship is that you are VERY VERY close friends. You talk all the time, you do a lot of things together, you come to each other about advice… what you dont do (CANT DO!!) is slip-up and have an accident with your PB. Trust me (and trust my other friends it has happened to as well), the friendship will be a rap. Side note: these are the friends people have the easiest chance of getting in trouble with/falling for.  These are also the examples that my guy friends give when they say platonic friendship is rare.  My definition (and the definition of The Single Girl’s Survival Guide), gives you more leeway to still call that person friend even if you are attracted to him (or her, in which case she would be your PG).

The second category is far more difficult: it’s the guy friend (or for guys, it’s the girl friend… space noted) that you dont talk to ALL THE TIME, you dont do everything with…. buuuuttt when you need to talk to someone or you need someone to be there, they’re there. I havent developed (or stolen) a name for these folks just yet, but I think to call them associates is insulting. Yet, you wouldnt necessarily say they’re a PB/PG. Maybe you can help me come up with a name for these people… but regardless, they exist.

And so do many other friend categories that I havent covered. Can you think of some not mentioned? Do you agree with mine? And if you do… please, please help a girl out with some names, why dont cha?! 🙂

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3 responses

6 08 2008
Country Club Barbie

Ummm, since I’m boycotting work (don’t tell my boss) I decided to actually consider your dilemma about referring to a boy (space) friend. What about calling him your “Sixth Man (Men)?” In basketball (because no matter how far removed from the sport I want to be, I just can’t do it) the 6th man is the first guy off the bench for the starters. It’s an important job, so it’s not an insulting title, but he just hasn’t cracked the opening line-up. There is the potential to crack the line-up, but if he doesn’t, he’s usually just as content with his role. How you like them apples?

6 08 2008
dbaham

hmmmm, I’m thinking, I’m thinking…. yep, me likey. okay, “6th man(men)” it is, unless someone else can come up with something better. 🙂

6 08 2008
Country Club Barbie

They wont 🙂 That was kind of cunty – sorry guys!

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