Christmas F-ing Carols

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need, and I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree… I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true – baby, all I want for Christmas is YOU.” ~ Mariah Carey

I blame it on Mariah and Boyz II Men. And Donny Hathaway… Cristina Aquilera. Go ahead and bring in NSYNC and who ever else you want to bring in that decided to make a Christmas album – yes, that includes you Snoop Dogg. Okay, maybe not Snoop Dogg – that might be pushing it.

Either way, I blame it on them. And the snow – so I guess Mother Nature can go ahead and get in line as well. And Boyz II Men gets in there twice for having everyone singing “Let it Snow,” forgetting that some folks (ahem, a certain D Magic) might not have anyone appropriate to call to be stuck in the snow with. I’m just saying…

And all of that brings me to the main point – these darn Christmas carols! Here’s the thing – I love them, but I hate them. It’s no secret that I’m a holiday person. I’ve admitted as such on here, on facebook, and if you just happen to know me in real life – you know it’s no exaggeration. But it’s kind of like Toni B’s song, “Another Sad Love Song.” Those same songs that were just great jams for you when you’re not reeling from a break-up all of a sudden become quite poignant when you’re sitting at home alone, watching football and the snow fall out of the sky.

So yes, in a sense, I am saying Weak by SWV = I Miss You Most at Christmas Time (IMYM@CT) by Mariah Carey. Both great songs! Both songs that at normal times would just be your jam – you’d have your hairbrush as your microphone, music blasting loudly, hair banging in the fan of your room so you look like Beyonce’… but in a weak moment of snow induced cabin fever, neither one is a song you want to hear.

You know why? Because a song that was once just your joint now says “exactly how you feel.” See the difference? Anytime Weak and IMYM@CT are saying exactly how you feel, you’ve got problems. And I’d be willing to bet that I wasn’t the only person to text one of their undergraduate BFFs crazy messages like “these damn Christmas carols have got my head all effed up!” Hypothetically of course.

What say you, readers? Is it just me? Did the cabin fever have more to do with my teeny meenie breakdown over text or was it like I said, the damn carols. And are there any songs that normally are okay by you but on a bad night can equal disaster?

Holiday Boonapolises

Last year I gave ideas for what to do as a single woman during the holidays – but hey, maybe your dating someone now and its relatively new, or you’re liking on some guy and you want to make some moves this winter season – what do you do? Well, lucky for you, I have some ideas for creating the perfect environment for you and your boonapolis*:

1. Heat up the House
Get him to come over and help you bake some cookies, make some homemade eggnog or hot chocolate (eggnog daiquiri as another option if you’re in New Orleans).  Plop in a movie or watch a football/basketball game – get him to help you finish some last minute decorations, and just spend a nice night inside… steaming up the windows. ooooh la la. LOL

2. Christmas in the Oaks
In New Orleans, we have this thing called Christmas in the Oaks. It’s a lighting celebration done in City Park. There’s cheer, a small fair, and numerous lit up affairs in the beautiful background of the park. It’s a wonderful place to bring kiddies, but it’s also a GREAT date to go on – there’s got to be something similar to that in your city. Find it, go to it, enjoy it.

3. No sentimental gifts
It’s too soon for all that… seriously. If you’re going to give him a gift, get him something cute and simple. Maybe he’s a Saints fan, so you can get him a Saints clock or something like that. Or you could possibly go the cute route and make a fun-sized bunch of Christmas coupons. Do not, however, get him anything that costs over $30 or that will make him go running because he feels like you just proposed to him.

4. Holiday Party Hopping
But not your work/church/granny’s party – you want no pressure, ideally. However, if you have a holiday gathering coming up where you know there will be lots of folks and just all around good fun, why not invite him? You can see how he is around people, but you can also have some fun with him for the holidays? And it’s like asking him on a date without really asking him on a date.

5. Volunteer
Take him with you when you go volunteer somewhere (unless your like me and work with teens, because you probably won’t hear the end of it if you bring him around). You get to see if he’s willing to come with you and participate in your philanthropic ways, but it’s also a nice little way to spend some quality, unpressured time.

6. Bonus- Christmas Karaoke
Who doesn’t want to bust out a little “hang all the mistletoe, I’m going to get to you better…. This Christmas,” while looking at your new boo? Add some beer or long islands to the mix – sounds like a great, fun filled time to me!

*Boonapolis is an old New Orleans nickname for your boo. Can also be substituted with spoogie, boobooski, ol’ lady or ol’ man. You’re welcome for being schooled on some New Orleans slang.

Extra-ordinary love

“I’m still looking for something more extraordinary than that.” ~ Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones’ Diary

I’m not sure how many of you have ever seen Bridget Jones’ Diary. Well, I love the movie – and there’s a part in the movie where after cheating on her, Daniel Cleaver comes back and tries to get her to come back to him. He tells her that the other chick left him because she realized he was still in love with Bridget and then says to her “Come on, we belong together Jones. Me, you, poor little skirt… if I can’t make it with you, I can’t make it with anyone.” And she responds, after a brief pause with, “That’s not a good enough offer for me… I’m still looking for something, more extraordinary than that.”

I feel like that’s where I am right now.

For some reason, I seem to be having a recurring conversation with folks lately. It starts off innocently enough, and then out of the blue – the other person says something to the effect of, “but I’m not like you, I want to be in a relationship.” And no matter how many times it’s happened recently, it always still kind of catches me off guard. It did the first time my sister said it to me. I was talking to her about how she shouldn’t settle for something that’s not worth her time, and she hit me with – “yeah, but I don’t think you understand. Everyone’s not like you… some people want to be in love and have a relationship.” I didn’t even know what to say at first. I was shell shocked lol. I tried to explain to her that wasn’t the case, but it kind of just came off a little defensive and sputtered back to my original point – which was that she deserved better than the dude she was seeing.

It happened again when I met up with an old friend recently. We were eating dinner, having some drinks, and she started telling me about this guy she was dating. I was trying my damndest not to give her advice and just say things like, “well what do you think you should do?,” etc… and she goes and says, “I mean, tell me how you do it. How do you not get affected by all the times it hasn’t worked out for you?” Wow, right?! Is that an insult or like the world’s meanest and misunderstood compliment. I still haven’t decided.

Another instance happened with a good friend of mine as I attempted to spare her the awful consequences that come with finding yourself as the other woman. Unfortunately, I know all about how that feeling of not being good enough for him to just be with you can destroy you. And how the guilt of being a part of something that is destroying another woman can tear you up. And once again, I was hit with “but you don’t understand, everyone’s not like you.”

Sigh.

SO I write this post to clarify some things. Contrary to some unknown vibe that I have apparently been giving to people – I absolutely positively want to find love with a man, a love like no other… an agape type of love that just makes your heart smile when you see those two people together. But I’ve settled before – way too many times be proud of. I clearly have the blog posts to prove that lol. And I’ve gotten to the point that I’m not willing to settle anymore.

That doesn’t mean no dating – psh… puleaze, I love dating! It means no dating a guy more than once who clearly after the first date didn’t sprinkle my fancy, because I know he likes me, and I don’t want to be a bitch. It means not giving my number to a guy just because he’s cute when there’s clearly no real connection between us from the beginning. It means no dating just to date. No waiting for people “to see the light.” No going backwards and wondering what if, no getting caught up in charming attitudes… it means, quite simply, I’m at a point where I refuse to settle for less than what I can offer (and what I deserve).

To some people that comes off as that I don’t want to be in a relationship, clearly. And I guess it comes off as someone who is more confident in this assertion than I really am. I mean, if not – I wouldn’t keep having these conversations. But really, I am just as confused and unsure as the next single woman – I just go about asserting myself differently. You see, if I don’t say it confidently, that “I deserve more,” that I want something “more extraordinary than that,” – I can easily fall into the traps of settling. We all can. I’ve done it before… I waited for a man for 5 years… you can’t tell me that’s not settling.

But for me – the hope for something better keeps me just assertive enough, it keeps me just confident enough that I can’t do the things I did before. So when I say, “I don’t want that,” it’s not because I am this unflinching woman who doesn’t have desires for love – it’s that I want the kind that’s in this video…

I mean, really – who doesn’t want a kiss like the one between Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury  (starting from the 2 minute mark). I love Trey Songz and all, but the stuff he does in the Invented Sex video can be done by anyone… there aren’t that many people who can kiss you once and place a smile that big on your face. That’s the kind of kiss I want. I want that smile. That something extraordinary, that just makes you sigh at the end.

And I’m not settling until I get it.

The Jump to Pregnancy

There are some things I feel like I learned a long time ago and then there are some things that I learn as I continue to get older. The fact that “there’s something I want to tell you” automatically means “I’m pregnant” to most men is probably in the latter category. I find it pretty hilarious actually – how one jumps from something so simple to the idea of the woman being pregnant. I mean really – really?! Can someone explain this to me… because even though I know it’s the case, I still don’t think I understand it. Maybe because it’s like one of the big scary moments of a guy’s life who isn’t planning to have a baby – so they’re constantly worried it’s going to happen? I don’t know…

But either way, I figure this means there are some other things that naturally are just misinterpreted between men and women. Here are a few I came up with:

• If a girl says she wants you to come over to watch movies, she typically means that she wants you to come over and watch movies. The problem is that guys get this confused because when they say it, they mean “I want you to come over so we can have sex.” Girls say “I want to see you tonight” when they want to bone… slight differences… major implications.
• “I’ve never done this before” or any variation of it. To a man, this means I’ve done this 50 times but I don’t want you to think I’m a slutbagwhore. Really, it means “I’ve either done this once before or I’ve thought about it about 50 times, and I don’t want you to think I’m a slutbagwhore.” See the difference there? No? Cuz it’s there… look closer.
• “What are we doing here?” – okay I actually learned this a very long time ago, but I still think it’s hilarious how a question can turn into a presumption. Of course, by now you probably know that most guys assume this means something to the effect of “I want to marry you, have your babies, tie you down forever and ever, and make sure you have no fun in life again.” Usually though, it just means – hey, I’m kinda confused about where I stand with you… what are we doing here?

And guys say we’re the complicated ones lol. I know I’ve missed some others – feel free to add to the list.

The Best Way to Say Goodbye

I watch “The Hills” on MTV… and for anyone who doesn’t watch “The Hills,” let me give you a brief explanation on the relationship of Audrina and Justin Bobby. Basically, they met, dated, kinda sorta were together on and off for like 4 years and have been trying to end it with each other all this time. Why are they trying to end it, but still end up staying together, you ask? Because they do things like Audrina’s recent suggestion that she needed to see Justin “just one more time” for closure, even though the last time she went to have a conversation with him for closure, he professed his love for her over every other woman he’s ever been with – and then one week later (in The Hills time, of course), he was telling her how she actually didn’t mean all that much to him and he was sprung over this other chick.

Okay – now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “what does she need closure for, again?” I mean, really – it’s pretty clear that the dude doesn’t really want to be with her, he kind of just likes the fact that she’s around sometimes – maybe. But for whatever reason – she just keeps going back, supposedly for closure. Does anyone else see how this is just a bad soap opera story that’s on repeat?

I mean, talk about Another Sad Love Song, huh Toni?

But here’s the thing – as silly as we all think Audrina is (and I’m assuming we all do), I’ve been there, done that as well and I’m sure she and I are not the only ones. And quite possibly the best thing I learned from continuing to try to find closure or say goodbye or whatever excuse I made to see him was this: the best way to say goodbye is not to say anything at all.

No calls. No meeting up with folks. No letters expressing your deepest regrets. Certainly no dramatic outcrys. Just simply be done with the situation. Be really done. And trust me – he or she will get that it’s over. Now before anyone comes at me – I’m not saying that when you’re breaking up, you can’t have a final conversation with the person to settle things. I’m just saying that more than one, constant seeking of closure, is not saying goodbye – it’s a possibly subconscious attempt to stay involved, it’s a desire to hold on as long as possible, it’s an attempt to get at the most unanswerable question ever created (why?)… but it is not, and let me be very clear on this, it is NOT saying goodbye.

Think about it this way. You remember in high school when you would be on the phone with your boo? After some time, it would come to the point in the conversation where you guys had to get off the phone. And a lot of you (ahem, me too) would go through this ritual where one person would say, “Okay, I’m getting off the phone now.” And the other person would say, “okay, you hang up first.” “No, you hang up first.” “Okay, we’ll both hang up on the count of 3. 1,2, 3….” And you’re both still on the damn phone 5 minutes later, still trying to say goodbye. That’s the equivalent of what Audrina is doing.

When really… like those two high schoolers, she should just hang up the phone. That’s the most effective goodbye there is.

I’m a FLIRT…

…but not really though. Don’t get me wrong – I remember our discussion about the definitions of flirting and acknowledging that it’s best performed when done naturally and instinctively.  But here’s the thing – I also remember admitting at the end of the post, that I suck at flirting when it comes to guys I’m actually interested in. How’s that for flirting 101?

I mean – really, a girl (that’d be me) accused of being one of the bigger flirts that her friends know, can’t flirt with the dude she likes? Wheretheydothatat? I don’t know – but it’s not something new and I’m concerned that if I don’t do something about it, it won’t be going away anytime soon. I’ve never perfected the wink (I just look cuh-razy), I don’t know how to wistle or blow bubble gum, and I can’t flirt when it really counts.

What I can do is have 20 minute conversations with a store owner every time I see him, have him throw something free in my bag each time (unprovoked!!!!) and still not influence him to ask me for my phone number. What I can also do is kiss this amazingly cute guy who I had a crush on for years and come for air, with the loudest “whew!” to ever grace a woman’s lips… seriously Jill Scott [in Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?] would have been embarrassed. And let’s not forget the time I let liquid courage influence my flirting skills or sigh, the time I stepped out there with the one-finger come hither move, juuuust to realize I’d put too many numbers in my phone when getting his digits.

Seriously y’all – the more I think about it… I pretty much royally suck at flirting! I can hold a conversation and I mean, every girl knows how to bite their lip ever so slightly or tilt their head in one direction, but the real stuff – the big league stuff, sigh, let’s face it – I’m clearly quite amateur. I can’t even get the cute ethnic white guy at the store to ask me for my phone number!!!! So why is it that I have so many misguided friends who think differently, you may ask? Yeah – I dont know either. You’d have to ask them, and chances are, they probably wouldn’t be able to really answer you. They’d say something like, “she just is,” which when you think about it – gives absolutely no credit to their argument. Like. none.

Either way, my goal for this December is to get better. Do better, I say! I probably won’t finish all of my 9 in ‘09 by the end of the year (although I did get a lot of them done – so don’t be too mad)… but I figure if I can improve on the purposeful flirting skills – that’s got to count for one of the 9 that I miss…………. right? Right. So there it is – I’m going to improve on the flirting skills, put myself out there, learn how to wink (well, maybe not – some things are just impossible)… and maybe, juuuuuuuuuuuust maybe, get this guy to go from giving me free stuff out of his store to asking me on a date!

I’ll let you know you how that goes! (cross your fingers though – cuz this Christmas leengerie that I kinda went crazy on this year has got to be seen by more than just me lol)

Silver and Gold…Holiday Shoes

Silver and gold, silver and gold, mean so much more when I see, silver and gold decorations, on every foot I see Christmas tree.

In light of the holidays, here are some great Christmas shoes you can wear for the holidays… in Silver, Gold, and Red.

Guess "Davisa" sandals

Aldo "Laack"

Aldo "Rubinson"

Nine West "Starfish"

Steve Madden "Caprye" pumps

Nordstrom - Sergio Rossi "Prisca" slingback

Nordstrom - BCBG "Dante" Pump

So now it’s in his HUG?

Okay… this is going a little too far now.

"giving Cosmo the side-eye on this one"

We’ve been told for years you could tell how a guy felt about you by the way he kissed you. Of course, this was before people regularly just started enjoying the art of kissing randoms, so I guess Cosmo felt another sign needed to be considered. But his hug?

Well, according to the bastion of man knowledge (eek to anyone who really believes that, I mean, I love them and all – but come on), there are four hugs that a guy can give you that will signal his feelings towards you: The sneak attack, which is the hug from behind; the rub, where he gently strokes your back while he’s holding you; the pat, where he thumps your upper back during an embrace; and the waist wrap, where he encircles your lower back with his hands and pulls you tightly toward him.

And I mean, it sounds alright as far as theory… but I’m not buying it as much as I think they want me to.

First of all – how could they forget the all important bear hug?!!?!? Seriously – once I realized this was not on the list, they lost all credibility for the article. Second – I get that one of the bigger questions that a woman will ask herself (relationshipwise) is – “does he like me,” but I just feel like the way he hugs you won’t give you the real answer you want to know.

His hug. His kiss. Whether or not he leans towards you when he talks. Does he give you a forehead kiss? Or call you every hour on the hour? These are all interesting concepts and great magazine fodder, but not as helpful in real life. I will always and forever contend that a man makes it perfectly clear when he likes you. Seriously – you won’t have to decipher anything or pick through any codes. You will know – this man likes me.

Now, I’m the first one to admit I don’t often follow my own advice. There are times when I get caught up in the signs of “likinghood” and start dwelling on things like, “well, I mean – he did call me babe yesterday when we were on the phone, do you think that means something?” We all do that at some point – we revert back to high school, especially when we like the guy in question… because everyone wants the person they like to like them back, right? But even I know that silly declarations such as him calling you babe don’t amount to much if it then took him another 3 weeks to call you again.

Look – all I’m saying is that you don’t need to read a book (ahem, He’s Just Not that into You) to know if a dude is feeling you or not. You don’t need to con him into a hug to see whether he rubs your back or pats you on the upper arm or some craziness – you just need to pay attention to him. He’ll tell you – in his actions and his words, in what he does or doesn’t do, he’ll tell you. It’ll be a lot clearer than anything Cosmo ever wrote – esp since they left out the bear hug as an option.

No, I didn’t forget. lol

Happy Holidays

I’m a holiday person… which doesn’t mean that I just like the holidays. Plenty of people like the holidays – I love the holidays. And really, I’m a holiday person, but I’m really a Christmas and Birthday person (yes, I consider birthdays personal holidays).

I’ve pretty much always been a holiday person though, so this is nothing new. Need I remind you of this post right here or this post right here. More importantly though, I’m pretty sure that my parents and grandparents are to blame for my love for Christmas. We still do the same tradition every Christmas – all decorate the houses together to the tunes of the Jackson Five Christmas album (on record, not CD). We’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember – no one thinks it’s lame or corny, no one puts up a fight… it’s just what we do. Shoot – I have no shame in admitting this, but I even believed in Santa Claus until I was about 10 (partially because when I was starting to doubt his existence around the age of 5, my mother came upstairs, walked into my room and pointed to the sky at this red thing flying past our house because I wouldn’t go to sleep. Of course she told me the red thing was Santa’s sled… of course, I later found out it was an airplace… but at the time, it kept me going for another 5 years). Anyway – you get it, I’m a holiday person.

The other day I went shopping at Target for Christmas decorations and literally lost my flippin’ mind. Like no kidding here – by the time I was done, I’d completely filled up one of those big Target carts (okay, so it may have been actually over flowing out of the cart). Clearly I completely forgot that I would have to carry all this crap home on the metro, and not in a car lol. Oh,  I remembered half way through the exasperated cashier’s turn at sorting all the stuff I was purchasing. When she got to the Christmas lingerie (you knew I had to get some, right?), she looked up at me – “You like Christmas, huh?” “Yeah, I kinda do,” I replied. I started to explain further, but then realized… man, I don’t need to explain myself to the cashier lol.

Condescending tone aside, she may have had a slight point about all the stuff I was getting – but I mean, you can keep Christmas decorations for years… right? lol…

Anyway, I say all this to say —- I’m a holiday person. So that means I’m really looking forward to the next couple weeks, that great time right before Thanksgiving all the way to the end of New Years. I mean seriously, at no other time in the year, do you literally get three holidays in like 6 weeks. That’s effing amazing – and I am tres excited about it! I’m excited to see everyone’s faces when they open their presents (cuz you know I’m already done shopping). I’m excited to make my eggnog and brownies and have some of Saucy Mamacita’s Coquito. I’m excited to spend Thanksgiving with my sisters… and to see my babies and grandparents for Christmas.

Shoot I’m even excited to wear my Christmas lingerie – even if it is just for me right now. Cuz hey, I have no problem getting sexy for myself… if I don’t who will, I say… who will? So I guess really this post is a fair warning to you, dear readers. There may be an influx of Holiday posts coming soon – still on topic (as much as I ever stay on topic here lol)… but very holiday centric. I hope you enjoy the ride – I will!

Must be your Guitar…

After listening to the new Rihanna CD (and don’t stone me, it’s actually kinda good *bracing herself*), I realized something very important about myself musically – I’m a sucker for any song with a good guitar solo.

Rihanna: Rockstar – check!

Ciara: Promise – check!

Usher: Do it to me – check!

R Kelly: Imagine That – check!

Trey Songz: Your Side of the Bed – check!

Prince: uhhhh anything!

It’s amazing that I never discovered this before… it’s just something about that guitar sound that gets me every time, whether it’s a sexy song or rockin’ out type of song, or even a sad song. I can’t quite explain the allure – I just know that whenever I hear that guitar in the background, I am silently waiting for the moment it takes its position to the front of the song and gives me what I need. And as soon as it comes – I start flailing my hair around, violently strumming my air guitar like I took lessons in another life, and jumping around like I’m Slash’s long lost daughter (I do this in my head and in real life, just depends on the present environment I’m in – but trust me I’m doing it every time whether you know it or not lol).

Which got me to thinking – what other things give me what I need even though I can’t quite explain why? In essence, what other things can I say… it just must be your guitar…

Welp, here’s a few I came up with:

Lil’ Wayne – maybe it’s the fact that he thinks he can play the guitar just as much as I can lol, although it’s probably not that. Maybe he’s my one venture into liking a bad boy (even though on the grand scale of bad guys, he’s really kind of a puppy – well, except for the whole drug addict thing lol). Maybe it’s the swag/ his orange aura – but I don’t know about that either, because there are a lot of swagged out rappers and I have very little fascination with any of them. Could be his money I suppose, but I don’t think I’m a gold digger. It’s certainly not the teeth (ick!) or the tats (even though I have six, myself, he’s doing a bit much)… so what IS it? I don’t know – but whatever it is – it’s there. Must be his….

A man hugging me from behind (and not in a sexual manner) – for whatever reason, this move will make me melt each and every time. Maybe it’s the security of a guy enveloping you. Maybe it’s that it usually also involves him whispering in my ear or kissing me on my neck (and I think Erika Badu proved to everyone how much girls love that)… either way, if you are a guy and you want me to be putty in your hands, this move will certainly not hurt your case.

General Hospital/Grey’s Anatomy – what’s funny is that I have never wanted to be a doctor, but ever since I can remember, I have been watching General Hospital and the craziness that ensues on that soap. In fact, I used to watch a lot of soaps, but it’s really the only one that I care about actually keeping up with. Even to this day, as a grown arse woman, I will make sure that by the end of the week, I have seen at least 3 episodes so that I have a general idea of what’s going on. And with Grey’s – well let’s put it this way: I was texting back and forth with a good friend yesterday. At some point, she said she would just call me later on that night, and then felt the need to clarify “of course not during Grey’s.” So true – because unless it’s an emergency, your call will go unanswered during that time. It sounds crass – but it’s just truth. lol Don’t ask me to try to explain to you why I love them so much because I wouldn’t be able to – but if you think you’re going to stop my love for them, you are so sadly mistaken.

A guy who can be just as much of an ass as he can be a sweetheart – this sounds bad. I realize. But listen, I think it goes back to the fact that I tend to like guys who can play more than one role. I am highly attracted to men who can comfortably wear a suit and a pair of basketball shorts (obviously not at the same time) equally. HIGHLY. So when a guy can be a sweetheart but has just a smidgen of asshole in him – sigh… okay, this is really bad. Because now I sound like that girl the guys talk about who likes bad boys, even though Wayne aside I definitely do not.  I just like him to have a little edge, not I’m scared to leave the house type edge, but a little. Okay… this is getting worse. I’m stopping now lol.

Stilettos – do I really have to explain this?

Anyway, you get what I’m saying here… there are just some things that I like that I can’t always explain to people the reasons. What about you guys?What things must be your guitar?