What a day yesterday was…

I take–2 steps forward
I take–2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know–it ain’t fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

I remember this song by Paula Abdul like it was yesterday. And what’s amazing is that as soon as the events of yesterday started pouring in, it was the first thing I thought of… on a day when women all over were celebrating (and hopefully more than just women, actually) because of President Obama’s nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court, the day also became a day when the California courts upheld the Proposition 8 law brought up last fall that made gay marriage illegal in Cali.

2 steps forward… 2 steps back.

Now, I guess what I’m about to say will be seen as controversial, but really, we had the perfect chance today to show what supposedly makes America so great. It’s a country where a woman of Latino descent (who just happens to be a Yale and Princeton graduate, and oh yeah, is EXTREMELY qualified for the position) finally has the opportunity to serve on our Supreme Court. If confirmed, she will be only the third woman to serve on the Court. Great day indeed.

But today also showed how much our country still has to grow. Because while we may be a country that could have 2 women Supreme Court justices by the end of the year, we’re also a country that can’t seem to process the idea of 2 people of the same sex getting married. I won’t get into ideological beliefs on here, but it seems to me that when so many people are struggling to find someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with, when two people actually find that… maybe we shouldn’t take that from them?

I know, I know… marriage is a religious ceremony, right? And people are concerned that by letting 2 women or 2 men get married, we are desecrating the nature of marriage… but it’s funny how this same outrage is not given to shows like “Who wants to marry a millionare” and “Bachelor/Bachelorette,” shows predicated on the fact that you can marry someone without truly being in love with them as long as you can get a certain amount of fame and fortune for it.

I dont know, it just seems odd to me. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by anything we do here in America. We are definitely a complex nation… and one that for now believes, only opposites should attract.

Guess Gladiators

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you been looking for brown gladiator heels? Probably not… but when you see these, you’ll wonder why you havent. Brown tends to be one of those colors in shoes that you dont seek out, but you actually do need. And these Guess Holda Gladiator sandals would be the perfect addition to any shoe-lover’s wardrobe. You can get them at endless.com right now on sale for $87.46… normally $109.95. 3 3/4 heel

Shopaholics Anonymous

Hi, my name is D-Magic…. And I’m a Shopaholic.

I realized this fact yesterday when I left the mall with 5 bags in my hand (Victoria’s Secret, Aldo, Aldo accessories, Lane Bryant, & Bennetton), when I was only supposed to leave out with maaaaybe two. Okay, let me back up a second.

My birthday is in a couple days… I say this not because its the point of the post, but it’s part of the reason I went to the mall in the first place. So yeah, my bday is in a few days, and Victoria’s Secret sent me this nice little email telling me that as an Angel Card member, I could go to any store and get a free pair of VS panties. Now normally I would have gone to a VS not in the mall, but I also needed to get my eye brows waxed (one of my places is in the mall) and I wanted to see if I could get one more cute shirt for the weekend (a girl’s gotta have options, right?).

So anyway, that was my intention walking into the mall… Get my free VS panty, get my eye brows waxed, maybe get a shirt… And go home.

I did the first part just fine. I walked straight to the section that would be free for me, picked a pair, went to the register and was on my way out, when I saw the Howard Pink section. Eek!

Now, I’d been saying how much I wanted something from there since they put Howard as one of the schools, and I diiiiiiid have an angel card, so I was tempted to get something. But I knew I shouldn’t. So just like any other addict, I called my sponsors.

First CCB… But she was still in the gym thinking of cabana boys.

Then CJ, but she didn’t answer either.

It was not looking pretty. Finally, I called my sister. “Hey,” I said. “Hey, what’s up?” “I need you to tell me no.” “Okay, NO. Now what am I telling you ‘no’ for?” “Well, you see I came to the mall today…” “Oh goodness,” she interrupted. “What?! You didn’t even let me finish?!” “I already know where this is going… You see a pair of shoes that you like, right?” “Ugh, how DARE you stereotype me!!!! That’s not what I’m calling about at all!!! I was calling because I saw the Howard section in VS and I was tempted to get something.” “Oh… Well, don’t get it. You don’t even go to Howard anymore! And don’t go in a shoe store either.” “Okay, okay. But I’ll always be a Bison. I won’t get it though… Thanks.”

So first addict crisis averted, I went back to my schedule. Next on my list was to get my eye brows waxed… Except that there were some sunglasses I’d been wanting from Aldo accessories. So I stopped in there for a second… And the next thing I knew, I’d gone to Bennetton (who was having an awesome sale by the way), Lane Bryant, and Aldo… And still hadn’t done the #2 item on my list.

Realizing this, I composed myself. And went back to what I’d gone there for. After getting that done, I decided it best that I don’t go to Forever 21 because who knows what I might be capable of in there… And I made my way back to the metro. Bags in hand. With of course a pair of shoes.

Somehow, I still managed to get a pair of shoes… Now granted they were on sale for $30, but that’s like an alcoholic saying I just took a sip or a sex-aholic saying I just let him put the tip in… It could have been bad.

Anyway, needless to say.. I’m done shopping for a second (at least until I need to get my vacation clothes). Between that trip, my recent sample sale weekend, and my Diors… Your girl has definitely been treating herself.

Which isn’t so bad when its only done once in a while, right??? Okay… Let me stop. Again.. My name is D-Magic, and I’m a shopaholic.

Anybody else want to share?

Casual Coital Rules

I was talking to a close friend of mine the other day and we agreed that there seems to be an influx of men who do not know the rules of casual coital pleasures. Since this is the case, I figured I would take a little time to lay some rules down on wax.

Let me know if you agree, disagree, or want to add on…

1. No CUDDLING!!! Let me clarify cuddling for those who just think it’s spooning. Cuddling is any variation of your body joined with mine in a resting state. So that includes me laying on your chest, laying on your lap, your arm around my waist… Yeah. All that. Those things are great. They’re fantastic actually, but they’re designated for someone who is my man.

I mean really, how much more intimate can you get than laying on someone’s chest, feeling and hearing them breathe. If we’re not *there*, that’s not okay!

2. No forehead kisses! (no further explanation needed… just dont do it.)

3. No sleepovers. If you are in a situation where a sleepover has to occur, say the person doesn’t live in the same city, please don’t expect sleepover things such as cuddling. See #1 for details. Go to sleep on your side and I will go to sleep on mine. Seriously.

4. No expectations. That means if I’m busy, you can’t blast me for being busy. You can’t keep your own personal stash of condoms at my place and you don’t get to ask me why you can’t come over tonight.

5. Never, ever. Ever. Use the word Love. Now this may seem like a simple task, but I have actually had a guy in mid stroke say, “tell me you love me.” Seriously??? In mid stroke?!? I couldn’t take the foolishness…so  I promptly stopped all activities and looked at him like he’d lost his damn mind. This isn’t love sir. And how dare you try to bring me to that point for whatever sick pleasure you may get out of it.

Now for all those reading this thinking, “dag… I see why your friends have been telling you that you’re like a guy.” Let me just say that these rules are strictly for casual things. If we’re in a relationship, my man can have all that and more… but really, I think that certain things are just not slip-up person worthy. I’m not going to call my go-to person if I’m sick and need soup, he shouldnt expect me to hold him in his sleep. I’m just sayin…. lol

New Shoes*

I sat on the couch quietly, in a daze, sliding my feet in and out of my Guess Syria leather pumps. For some reason, that slight motion was sending calm sensations to my brain at a time when the only thing I wanted to do was freakout and cry for hours and hours.

It almost seemed surreal what had just happened. Had I really just told him that I love him? And had he really responded with, “I love… Her”? Talk about not your fairy tale response, right?

Instead of replaying that memory in my head, I just kept sliding my feet in and out of my shoes. Only, the more I did, what was once my calming mechanism encouraged my first pang of pain. I literally saw visions of him stabbing me in the heart with the same 4 inch heels that were hanging onto my feet. That’s what he’d done to me.

It took him less than 30 seconds, but in that time, my complete existence had changed. I’d stood before him, a woman impassioned, filled with love and hope for the future. I was finally going to tell the man of my dreams that he put a smile on my face just by someone mentioning his name. That all I needed was a call from him and my day was better. That the thought of being with someone for the rest of my life was exciting and not scary when I plugged him into the equation. That I could see the day that God and all of our family and friends would bless our union when I looked in his eyes.

I stood before him with love.

But moments later, I stood before him… stunned. changed. incomplete.

And now I was on the couch. I was on the couch, broken, with only my shoes to try and comfort me. And now those shoes were being used in my head to signify the pain I felt. Feeling suddenly constricted, I swiftly took the shoes off for good and threw them across the room. The sight of them, like the sight of him, now sickened me.

Barefoot and broken, I walked to my room and stood before my closet. I needed some new shoes to represent my new transition; to what he’d brought me to. At first looking for black ones, I rummaged through the hundreds laying there, waiting to be picked… until I saw  my BCBG Ariel Satin Printed peep toe pumps. No need to be sad, they reminded me. Whatever God had for me would be for me… and until He was ready to give him to me, I would walk in new shoes now.

I’m walking in new shoes now
I got a new song to sing
When I walk in the room every head turns
Every eye is on me
Too bad you’re not here to see it
And by the time you get this
I’ll be  so long gone and far
I’ll send you a postcard

Beyonce had it right all along.

* Just another attempt at strengthening my short story skills….

HBCU Rant…

It’s amazing how in a matter of hours, you can find yourself in the same conversation with different people. This happened to me on Friday. [Full disclosure: for those who don't know, I went to an HBCU for undergrad, a majority white institution for post grad, and for good measure, a majority white institution for high school.]

So Friday, the 1st conversation happened at work and was completely on accident. A co-worker was passing by my desk and somehow it came up in conversation that he went to Howard Law School. Now, being the extremely proud Bison that I am, I immediately became excited to hear such news. He didn’t share my enthusiasm, however.

So I asked why? His response was that “he needed more diversity in a learning environment.” “Really,” I asked, already completely annoyed and sensing that I should probably retreat from the conversation. “Yeah,” he replied.

Then I asked, “so everyone in your law school class was from the same background as you? They all grew up in a big city and went to the same high school as you?”

“No.”

“Well then, how can you say it wasn’t diverse?”

“Well, it was majority black people.”

“See, that’s the misconception that a lot of people have, that just because we’re all brown, means it’s not diverse.”

I proceeded to explain to him that I thought Howard was the most diverse learning environment I’ve ever been in. I also proceeded to inform him of the actual definition of diversity, which in a nutshell, by the way, has more to do with merging different experiences than different races.

Y’all when I tell you this conversation lasted an hour, I am sooo not exaggerating. And every minute that went by annoyed me so much, I couldn’t have been happier when he left. It would have been different if it were an intellectual conversation amongst people with different opinions, but this was the complete opposite. It was a guy not expecting me to be able to counter his arguments in an intellectual way without raising my voice or getting belligerent. And let me tell yall, the man could NOT handle my points of clarifications at all!

The thing that really got me was that he came back a couple hours later. I seriously had to pray at one point and ask God to remove him from my desk, because it was not going to be pretty. I’d already asked the man if he knew what the definition of ignorance was, since he certainly didn’t know the definition of diversity lol.

Anyway, here were some of the gems he dropped on me:

1. “Well, I’ve always been discriminated against by black people and told that I want to be white because I like things like classical music or I speak a certain way.”

- Funny, because one of my BFFs plays classical piano and I don’t think she’s any less black because of it lol. I actually think it’s pretty cool and wish I could do it.

“Well, I think when black people get around each other, they feel too comfortable saying racist things.”

- Hmmm, interesting because I started grad school literally 2 weeks before Hurricane Katrina hit and I cant begin to tell you the racist ish I heard come out of people’s mouths at that time– and this was at a so-called liberal school!

“Well, I’ve been told that I’m not black enough because I wouldn’t mind being in an interracial relationship.”

-Please see my post on Something New, because I can’t even begin to tell you how I blasted him about this comment. I wasn’t the one to try to come at about interracial relationships. 1/2 of my family is the product of some type of racial mixing lolololol…

We continued like this for awhile and then I finished with these two things:

1. “You know, I think often when we go into situations with certain expectations, those expectations are fulfilled.” The man went to Howard thinking he would be treated a certain way, and it seems that expectation was realized. As I told him, I think that happens more as a result of the energy you put out there than the type of music you like. People are comfortable with you when you are comfortable with yourself.

2. “It’s so easy to find fault with other people. The mature person is able to look in the mirror and see what he needs to work on.

I kid yall not, 4 hours later, I was in Alero and got into a similar, but much less bout it conversation with this guy who went to University of Maryland because he wanted more diversity than Howard.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Howard certainly has its faults. And it’s not for everyone. But I just get so frustrated when we as a people down ourselves by assuming that the only way you can have diversity is to be around people of another race. You should have that experience, but you should also know that statistically there’s more diversity within one group of people than there is within multiple races. That goes for all races, not just Black people.

So you guys tell me, was I wrong in this situation? Should I have just ignored his comments and kept it moving? And for my HBCU alum and attendees, have you ever found yourself in a similar conversation before? What did you do?

It ALL Makes Sense Now

So I’ve told you guys before that people have been telling me that when it comes to sex and relationships, my attitude is very much like that of men. I typically disagree with that sentiment, but my mom has always told me that if more than one person is in agreement concerning something about you, you might want to check yourself and figure out if it’s true.

And I have. And I was beginning to think that maybe there was some truth to what folks were saying… until I saw this in the new May issue of Cosmo.

Now normally… one would read this page, say it was cute and keep it moving. However… you’d probably do that until you realized that of the 12 items listed, you thoroughly enjoyed eating 10 of them. Ummmmmm, can anyone say “you are what you eat”?

Either way, this is now my new theory. I may have some instances where I’m more logical and practical regarding relationships than most women, but the extra sexual aspect of folks’ theory about me thinking like a man is all based on the food I eat. Plus, yall know I like a good watermelon fest!