Valentine’s Day Wedding…

You guys know by now that I actually like Valentine’s Day. I know some folks don’t… I do. Always have, and was planning to enjoy it just like I normally do until I was so lovingly reminded by one of my friends that I have a wedding to attend on… dun dun DAH… Valentine’s Day.

I’ve known the wedding was coming up, and actually I’ve known for a very long time that the wedding was going to be on Valentine’s Day – but for some reason it never hit me. And honestly, it still hasn’t. I’m not bothered by this fact at all, a fact that gave my friend quite cause for concern. Her theory – I was subconsciously pushing this down so that I wouldn’t think about the fact that not only will I be attending the wedding dolo, but it’s on Valentine’s Day, AND Jake will be there… very possibly not dolo.

But the thing is… that’s really and truly the least of my concerns. You know what have been my concerns? Making sure my dress fits… making sure I don’t have a Carrie moment in my 4 1/2 in stilettos (a la when she fell down the runway on SATC)… getting to Philly and back safely while riding the Chinatown bus with CJ… trying to get some rest in the midst of all this snow in DC (and lucky me… my job requires most folks to have some kind of snow duty)… praying the Saints into a win in the Super Bowl… curing world hunger – basically everything else in the world has been more important to me than the fact that this wedding is on Valentine’s Day lol.

Now, I will admit that a couple months ago, I was dreading (no exaggeration there) seeing Jake there with a possible date… you know, the idea of seeing the man you saw yourself marrying at someone else’s wedding… can kinda be a little daunting. But I tell you no lie when I say that I’m so calm about that now. I don’t know why… I don’t know what happened, but somewhere somehow this Israelite finally passed her test and stopped wandering in the damn desert over this man! *

Either way, I am actually happy to be spending this day celebrating this couple’s love for each other. It may seem corny, but I think there’s no better way to celebrate Valentine’s actually – plus I’ll have 3/4 of the Mafia with me (which of course means trouble/trouble!!!), we’ll be getting loose because it’s the last weekend of Mardi Gras (Carnival for New Orleans’ natives), and you know I’ll have a certain Cosby’s smile to think of as well, if I get really desperate lol.

Sounds like a great Valentine’s to me. What are you doing on Sunday?

* Sorry to hit you guys with the deep Bible reference, but it gets real in the field sometimes lol*

Update: I wrote this post prior to the Saints winning the Superbowl… so I actually have one less concern, because the Saints are soooo the Super Bowl 44 Champions!!!!!! WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7 for all Mankind (shoe edition)

I always say there’s a reason God made me have thick legs – cuz he knows I’d be wearing shoes like these below… since I can’t, you should.

Galley Over the Knee Flat Boots

Style #:SEVEN20334

$385.00 (30% off): Black @ shopbop.com

My name is D-magic…

and I’m a (reformed) drunk dialer.

The other night I was watching the Real World DC and the girls talked about their drunk dialing ways – how there were guys in their lives that they called whenever they were drunk: Go to guys in another way, I suppose. The thing is, what usually happened for them is that they soon regretted such a trangression… and yet, they continued to do it each and every time they got drunk!

And I know they’re not alone. Partly because I used to be that girl – and still have some friends who do it as well. I don’t know why we do it (or used to do it). Maybe it’s that whole idea of letting go of your inhibitions when your drunk or maybe it’s easier to do the things you wanted to do sober when you’re drunk, but for whatever reason – drunk dialing is a very common phenomenon.

So much so that there’s phrases like “friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” But you know what I do now? I drunk text one of my BFFs instead. In fact, Pimp C and I have basically started a pact without explicitly saying that we did – that instead of texting or calling anyone else, we text/call each other. Sure it makes for really funny voicemails and texts that we can clown each other about later, but more importantly, it stops us from making asses out of ourselves to others.

So instead, around midnight or so… every once in awhile, I’m not surprised when my text message goes off (and she isn’t either lol). I don’t think it’s some dude trying to come over. I don’t think it’s something wrong. I know it’s just Pimp C drunk texting me so she doesn’t drunk text someone else. I’ll take that charge. And I’m glad she does for me as well.

That way – I don’t have to stand up and say, “Hi. My name is D-magic and I’m a drunk dialer.” I’m reformed!* Woot!

Are you?

* All of this is a moot point if the person texts or dials me first. Unfortunately, I haven’t learned how not to be a willing participant while I’m drunk lol. And those tend to lead to very funny conversations as well.

Chemistry…

this issue of Glamour talks about the importance of chemistry too!

… and no I don’t mean that subject you took in high school. I’m talking about that thing that for some (ahem me) trumps all in a relationship. Sure I’ve spoken of deal breakers before… but this is the ultimate one.

Even Glamour says so!

Chemistry is one of those things that just can’t be explained, but when you have it with someone, you just KNOW it. Heck, everyone knows it. People get uncomfortable around the two of you because they feel like they’ve stepped into your boudoir and no words are even being spoken. I was a witness to this before. I had a friend at work who had this amazing chemistry with this guy and every time he came around, I would literally want to crawl under my desk because I felt like I was intruding. Can you imagine?! LOL

I’ve also been on the other side.

I’ve had guys I have such amazing chemistry with that people didn’t want to be around us. They would make comments about how it looked like we were having sex with our eyes, or how it was way too steamy when the two of us are around each other, or how no children needed to be around us because just our presence was x-rated. Again, without any words being spoken… but that’s how chemistry works.

And then sometimes it doesn’t work. Like. at. all. I’ve had that too, unfortunately. And it always surprises me when it happens because as evidenced in the paragraph above, I’ve had some steamy encounters with folks. Oh, but I’ve also had some dull, boring, lackluster, unimaginative, cringe -worthy snore fests as well. And the biggest thing I learned from those was that you can’t teach or force chemistry. It’s either there or it’s not. And when it’s not – nothing else matters (at least not for me.)

I once went on a date with this really cute guy (REALLY CUTE!). He was nice, he was a perfect gentleman… he was physically the kind of guy that I’m typically drawn to – great smile, dimples, 5′11, cornerback style body type – but the date was sooo bad, that just to make sure I was still able to have chemistry with someone, I called my ex when I got home from the date and sparks flew through the phone. I still blame that guy for me getting back together with BJ, but that’s for another blog post.

The point is chemistry can be explosive. It can be the thing that keeps you around longer than you should be with someone; it can be the thing that ruins the date from hello. And then… then it can be something so great when it matches up with a healthy relationship. When there’s chemistry and understanding and trust – WOWSERS!!!!! Look out world!

So have you found someone you have that type of connection with? If not, is that because it’s not as important to you as it is to me – or are you just still looking?

Let’s be real about the neighbors…

If you haven’t heard by now, Trey Songz recently announced that his new single would be “Neighbors Know My Name,” and while I certainly enjoy the tune on his album, I’m a bit concerned that dudes are now going to start trying to use lines from the song to holla at women. Can’t you see it now? You’re walking down the street – and a guy hits you with, ” say ma! your body’s a problem/they call me the problem solver!” OR “when I’m bangin on your body, they’ll be bangin on my wall!”

You may be thinking that I’m paranoid or I’m exaggerating. But you couldn’t be further from wrong. Don’t you remember when Ginuine came out with In Those Jeans??? I do. Almost every bum under the sun was talking about, guuuuuurl is there any room for me – in those jeans? I even had one guy try to sing it to me.

He couldn’t sing.

Then, when Chingy came out with Right Thurr, there were tons of guys talking about, “lil mama, you a quarterpiece, you far from a dime.” Heck, guys already lost their damn minds with Trey’s last two singles…. you can’t tell me that you haven’t heard your fair share of “say girl, you know I invented sex, right?” or “say ahhhh” while in the club.

So I just know… I. just. know. they are going to have a field day with this one. And I think it’s hilarious – because, let’s be real… everyone doesn’t have the goods to make you scream so loud their neighbors hear you. Ask Greg Oden. Okay, that was mean. Ask the stand-in then. Hmmm, that may have been meaner. Well how about ask Ray J. Because even though the world knows that he’s packing, as far as I could tell from his sexual escapades with a certain Kardashian on tape, the man has no stroke. Yeah I said it – he’s all jack rabbit, no swang. And trust me – that won’t have the neighbors knowing your name either.

In fact, truth be told… the distinction is not as common as Trey Songz would make you believe. Do I think he probably has girls screaming his name? uhhhhh yeah, I do (did you see that Invented Sex video?!!? lol)… but do I think most guys enjoy the same perks? No sir, I do not. So this is my PSA to all the men who are thinking of taking Trey’s lyrics and using them as your soundtrack – please back them up with something and don’t have some woman out there thinking she’s going to be screamin’, scratchin’, yellin’ when all you can do is make her wimper.

Thank you kindly.

Signed,

All women of the world

Lines and lies

“Relax… nothing will happen that you don’t want to…”

I’m sure we’ve all heard this before – it’s like the consummate male line. I thought about doing a post about it a little while ago when Jozen mentioned it in his blog, Until I get Married… but I forgot. And then I saw a character on General Hospital use it – and it all came back to me. Ahhhh yes… that line. The same line that Darius used in Love Jones, when everyone (including Nia Long’s character) knew he wanted to wear that arse out.

So what is it about that line and others that when said by the right person, sounds less like a lie than what it really is? Could it be that we actually believe the guy when he says nothing’s going to happen? Nah… I don’t think any of us are that naive… plus, really – the guy is making it pretty clear that it’s not the case that nothing will happen, it’s just that you’ll want it to happen.

And maybe that’s the key right there… by the time you get to that line, both parties pretty much know that they want something to happen. It’s the same thing with, “Don’t try and molest me.” I’ve had a guy say that to me as well, as he’s climbing into my bed saying that we are going to sleep in the bed together and not make out, hook-up, nothing… knowing damn well that he wanted to go on and pin me against the wall (start at 1:35) at any moment. Before I knew it, we were rolling in the (metaphorical) hay – I’m sure with him knowing the end result all along.

Over and over, I’m sure many of us gals can name some of the lines/lies we’ve been fed that we knew were lines/lies when they came out of the guy’s mouth – but we still went along with it. Maybe we’re all suckers for reverse psychology… maybe we like the decision being explicitly placed on us… but for whatever reason, these lines have continued through time and probably will.

What are some that come to your mind? And have you fallen for them?

Ex-pected Expectations

Sidenote: I apologize for the long absense… as I was explaining to a friend the other day, I’ve had a few posts just sitting in my draft box waiting to be completed, but for some reason – my energy hasn’t been there to complete them. wellllll, it’s back for now at least and hopefully, I can make it up to you with some pretty good stories and posts.  Now on to this one…

Late last year, I was talking to a really good friend of mine about ex-boyfriends in general, but also about the difference in the time it takes to get over some rather than others. We both agreed that we had some dodged bullets in our past and some guys that barely make it to the table when discussions of pasts occur, but we both also had that one (at least one) who meant more. So there we were comparing lengths of time, laughing about how some it took mere minutes and some we were sad to say we were still in the process, when she hit me with this gem – “You know, I think you’re not meant to get over every guy you’ve been with. Some folks you get over – and some… you just kinda get through.”

And that stuck with me. I can’t really explain why in great detail, but for some reason it really stuck with me. Now it’s possible she didn’t mean it in this way, but this is how I applied it to my life. That some folks you’re not ever going to be able to say you don’t have some love for them BUT (and here’s the breakthrough part), you don’t have to wait for that moment to be done with them.

I know everyone’s situation isn’t the same, but that was definitely the case for me and one person specifically. For some reason, I always thought that since I wasn’t over him, there had to have been a reason for that – that maybe we were meant to be together in some strange weird way. But NO! That’s not the case at all – and it helped knowing that I wasn’t crazy or foolish because I still had love for him after all this time, because hell, she had someone like that too. The key though, for both of us… was letting go even when the person may still have a place in your heart.

So what do you readers think? Was my friend right? And do you have anyone in your life that this can be applied to? AND How’s your new year going so far?! I missed you guys!!!!

9 in 09 – the Results!

We’ve officially begun the year twenty-ten (Happy New Year and all that jazz!), and you know I realized that I’ve made mention to the 9 in 09 list that CCB and I embarked upon at the end of 2008, but never really explained what my nine in fact were… for shame! ANYway, for those who don’t know – the 9 in 09 grew out of this movie where the main character created 10 things she wanted to do before turning 30. Well, since CCB and I tend to be over-ambitious and wanted to outdo the movie, we chose to make a list of things we wanted to do within a year’s time. Since I saw the movie around September 08, the original ending was September 09… but was then extended to the end of the year 2009 [WHY? Cuz we can... Obama said so.]

So here’s my list and how I’ve done in completing them. You’ll see that some of my 09 were amended from the original list, but I’ll also explain how the amended list was completed or not.

• Lose 65 lbs – uhhhh so far? 20 lbs down before my 2 week break at home in which I’ve probably gained 10 back… what can I say, 65 lbs is a lot!
• Get my 5th tattoo on my hairline – ahaaaaaa! I did better than this! I got 2 tattoos – the one on my hairline and one behind my ear… that makes up for like 10 of those 45 lbs I missed, right? no?
• Go skinny dipping - sure did, in the Caymans! embarrassing story attached and everything! lol
• Date a Brody at least once - not quite. I did have a few opportunities, but none panned out… ah well.
• Finish 2 of my books and be working towards getting at least one published - yep! well I finished one and am now going through that whole trying to find an agent process, and I’m working very hard on the second one lol
• Get my car - hmmmm, not so much… maybe by the summer 2010 though *cross fingers*
• Have an honest conversation with “Jake” about us* - even though this was later changed, as you’ll see when you scroll down, I actually did still complete this. BONUS points for me!
• Approach a guy with the two-finger come hither move** - read below
• Develop a signature move - ha ha aha, this may have been one of the first things I accomplished!

* changed to Purchase a pair of designer shoes - even though it was changed, I completed BOTH! Christian Dior pumps, anyone?

** Changed to “Approach four guys with the one-finger come hither move” - I actually did finish this, and had a great story for the blog to boot!

So that’s how my year of ‘09 pretty much panned out, in a nut shell. My goals for 2010 are not as tangible and probably won’t get listed on the blog, but I’m hoping for sucess in those as well. How did your goals for ‘09 work out?

Something like High School

It’s something about being at home – walking on the floors of my childhood (albeit revamped since then), hanging out in the den, driving the streets of New Orleans, seeing family and old friends - that always rejuvenates me. Even more than that though, it always reminds me of high school – in particular high school loves.

I don’t know about you, but I definitely was no serial monogamist in high school. In fact, the more I think about it, my high school years were very indicative of how I’ve spent most of my dating life since then. Throughout the four years, I had a grand total of 2 serious boyfriends. One in ninth grade and another in 12th grade and in between those two – a whole bunch of really short, teases of relationships in which I got bored of the guys before I even learned their middle name.

Since then, it’s pretty much been the same – except that irony of all ironies, the two serious relationships in high school became one of those short teases in my grown world. The teasers have grown longer than my typical high school 2-week excursions, but for all intents and purposes, they’re the same thing.

And scattered within those teasers were 2 serious relationships. How crazy is that, right?! Nothing has changed since high school… for better or for worse.

What about you, readers? Is there anything, relationship wise, you seem to have carried on from high school?

Christmas F-ing Carols

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need, and I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree… I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true – baby, all I want for Christmas is YOU.” ~ Mariah Carey

I blame it on Mariah and Boyz II Men. And Donny Hathaway… Cristina Aquilera. Go ahead and bring in NSYNC and who ever else you want to bring in that decided to make a Christmas album – yes, that includes you Snoop Dogg. Okay, maybe not Snoop Dogg – that might be pushing it.

Either way, I blame it on them. And the snow – so I guess Mother Nature can go ahead and get in line as well. And Boyz II Men gets in there twice for having everyone singing “Let it Snow,” forgetting that some folks (ahem, a certain D Magic) might not have anyone appropriate to call to be stuck in the snow with. I’m just saying…

And all of that brings me to the main point – these darn Christmas carols! Here’s the thing – I love them, but I hate them. It’s no secret that I’m a holiday person. I’ve admitted as such on here, on facebook, and if you just happen to know me in real life – you know it’s no exaggeration. But it’s kind of like Toni B’s song, “Another Sad Love Song.” Those same songs that were just great jams for you when you’re not reeling from a break-up all of a sudden become quite poignant when you’re sitting at home alone, watching football and the snow fall out of the sky.

So yes, in a sense, I am saying Weak by SWV = I Miss You Most at Christmas Time (IMYM@CT) by Mariah Carey. Both great songs! Both songs that at normal times would just be your jam – you’d have your hairbrush as your microphone, music blasting loudly, hair banging in the fan of your room so you look like Beyonce’… but in a weak moment of snow induced cabin fever, neither one is a song you want to hear.

You know why? Because a song that was once just your joint now says “exactly how you feel.” See the difference? Anytime Weak and IMYM@CT are saying exactly how you feel, you’ve got problems. And I’d be willing to bet that I wasn’t the only person to text one of their undergraduate BFFs crazy messages like “these damn Christmas carols have got my head all effed up!” Hypothetically of course.

What say you, readers? Is it just me? Did the cabin fever have more to do with my teeny meenie breakdown over text or was it like I said, the damn carols. And are there any songs that normally are okay by you but on a bad night can equal disaster?