Tips for My Future Husband – #11

Celebrate my birth with me!

I’m a HUGE birthday person.

Always have been.

And I guess you can probably blame it on my family and friends, because they have found different ways since I was a baby to show out on that day. Starting from my first and second year birthday parties that had Strawberry Shortcake themes, I’ve managed to have some pretty great birthdays. Last year’s 29th was no slouch either, featuring a combination of attending a Drake concert with one of my besties and spending the next day at Great Falls, Va with some of my other faves. But it’s all the ones in between those two that make me really smile when I think about them.

I can still vividly remember my 6th grade birthday that included a slumber party of 20 girls at my grandparents’ house. We did everything that night – showed my grandma how to do the Creep dance, told scary stories, tried to make someone be light as a feather, stiff as a ghost – I mean we did it all! And of course, I can’t forget my skating party birthday or the first birthday my parents allowed boys and girls to attend at my house. Those were indeed the days.

I can also remember my Sweet Sixteen, fully equipped with a big party at my place, a DJ, all of my friends from High School, and my uncle standing in the den, looking through the sliding glass door and staring down me and my boyfriend at the time. My dad, for his part, was much cooler about the situation. Not to be outdone, there was also the year I graduated from grad school and turned 24 in the same weekend, and my girls helped me celebrate both milestones in style. And, of course, there was the year one of my faves traveled all the way to DC just to join me on a New York city weekend trip.

But as great a job as my friends and family have done to make me feel special on my day of birth, the men who I’ve dated have also significantly contributed to my birthday memories. I’ve had guys call me on the 17th of every hour to sing Happy Birthday, bring me to a different city so they can spoil me for the weekend, surprise me with flowers and a cake, treat me to dinner, and more. These weren’t extravagant gestures – but they were enough to remind me that on that day, he felt like I was the most important person in the world.

So of course, I’d want future hubby to join in this trend… but not just join it. He needs to set. it. out! Not necessarily set it out in an expensive way, but be creative, think outside the box, show me he’s been thinking about this day?  Oh hell yes!

Listen, my close friends will tell you that I like to go all out for their days. If I’m with them, I want to make sure they have the best day possible. And if I’m not there, I call and do birthday raps and opera versions of the birthday song; I text them Happy Birthday in different languages. I get them gifts that required thought and that I know they’ll appreciate – I really just try to show them they are special to me and that their birth is something to be celebrated.

So when it comes to my future hubby, I genuinely hope he will do the same, because I surely plan to  set the bar high when it comes to his day. And honestly, he’s got some big shoes to fill, because the people who have come before him have done their part to set the bar pretty high as well.

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Hey guys, so I’ll be taking the next few days off from the blog to just enjoy my birthday amongst good friends. Be on the look-out for the next post on Wednesday, May 22nd, but also feel free to catch-up on any posts you may have missed in the meantime. Love ya, and I’ll catch you on the other side of 30!!!

Relationship Karma

Photo: http://www.wwwdatingguide.com

Karma.

You reap what you sow.

What goes around comes around.

Treat others as you would have them treat you.

These are what I like to call universal concepts. And while it may be called different things by different people and different cultures, it all boils down to the same idea: whatever you put into this world is what you will get out of it.

I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of karma, and most especially, the idea of relationship karma. And when I say fascinated, I really mean scared as shit of it. Now, this is not because I consider myself a bad person. On the contrary, I think that for the most part, I try to live a genuine life and keep my heart pure.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t broken some hearts in my time thus far on earth. In fact, I can safely say that I know I’ve broken at least 4 (maybe more), and I know at least 3 of them (at the time) hated my guts when we ended. So where does that leave me in karma’s path?

Is it enough that hurting those guys was not my intention? That my actions were not meant to be painful? Sometimes I doubt it – because when you think about it, whether I intended to or not, I did. And while I could give a million reasons why I acted in the way I did (reasons like, I was unsure of my feelings for him, I realized I still loved someone else, I just didn’t feel the connection like he did, etc…), those are hardly of comfort to someone when they feel like you’ve wronged them.

I know this all too well, as I’ve been on the other end of those conversations too. I’ve been the hurt one, the one questioning how he could treat me in such a way – and whether his intent was harm or not – I felt like that’s what he’d done.

This is why karma is so damn tricky! Do you reap what you intended to sow? Or do you reap what was actually sown? I’m still kind of torn – but I know one thing, I try my damnedest not to get on her bad side as much as possible.

What do you all think? Do you believe in karma and,  in particular, relationship karma? And if you do, how do you apply it to your life?

How to Stay Fly and Safe in Your Heels

Photo Credit: sunshineandadaisy.blogspot.com

Y’all know I love a good stiletto heel. I mean, there’s nothing like stepping into a shoe with a heel that’s so skinny, it could be a weapon, but also is so tall – it makes me at least eye level with folks (and I’m 5’1 on my own). It’s empowering. It’s emboldening. But it can also be dangerous if done too often or incorrectly.

So how do I stay safe in my favorite heels? Glad you asked. Here are my top 4 tips:

1. Try not to wear tall, skinny heels all day more than 3 days in a row. I know that’s hard for my divalicious professional women out there, but the higher and skinnier the heel, the less support your foot and ankle have. When this happens, you end up putting a lot of pressure on both with no rest. That’s a no bueno situation. Don’t get me wrong, though, I’m not saying to stop wearing your heels to work – I would never say that – but switching up the height and width of the heel makes all the difference. If you wore 4 inch heels for two days, just try a 2 or 3 incher the next.

2: Do not ever wear heels that are too small. First, it looks horrible and people can always tell. But more importantly, the combination of the tight squeeze and less support for your foot and ankle create a dangerous situation. Have you ever tried on shoes that were just a little too exact? I have, and when I did, I instantly felt the pressure on my ankles. Now, think about doing that all day. I don’t know how women do this and not feel like they’re going to crumble at any point.

3: Give your feet some me-time. Pedicures are not just simply for keeping your toes looking cute – or at least, they shouldn’t be. Spend that extra money every once in awhile and opt for the pedicure with the massage. If you can’t do that, soak them at home in some warm suds or Epsom salt, and use a foot roller under your feet. Not only does this feel great, it releases some of the tension in your foot caused by the heels.

4. Practice makes perfect. It’s always best to practice walking in your heels before wearing them for long periods of time. Without doing this, you can find yourself stumbling or walking awkwardly, putting pressure on your ankles (again) or in the wrong places on your foot. In general, the last place you want the pressure to be is in your toes – so if it feels that way while you’re walking in the heels, it’s best to get some help in re-learning how to strut safely.

Using these four tips will help you stay a little safer in your heels, and honestly – just make it easier for you to look great and feel great at the same time.

Happy safe strutting ladies! Any one else have other suggestions for staying safe?

The Double Standards of Sexting

Oh sexting. The art of sending either “sexy” photos of your body or sexy thoughts in your mind through text message. It’s a phenomenon that doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

Now, we’ve all heard of the dangers of sexting — “You never know who else will see that text” tends to come up as a top reason. But I’d like to talk about something I don’t think is often discussed – the double standards of sexting.

I’m sure if I did an informal poll of my ladies, I’d find that a majority of them have received a penis picture from some guy at least once. And most of them would probably say that said picture(s) was usually sent unsolicited. But if I asked those same women how many sexts they’ve sent, chances are I’d get answers like “none” and “very few.”

But here’s the rub: we know that it simply can’t be true that no woman ever engages in sexting other than being on the receiving end – just like with actual sex, it typically takes two to Tango. BUT, I think women (overall, not every woman) tend to be a little more discerning about who gets the privilege. Of the exceptions, I’ve heard statements like “well only with my boyfriend of X years,” or “only because my boo was long distance – we had to keep it spicy,” or my favorite caveat of them all, “I only sent nondescript parts of my body through text.”

That’s a good amount of ways to basically say, now usually, I  don’t do this but, uhhhh… Yet, even though women have all these caveats, men keep sending their penises all willy nilly! What gives?!

Why are men so unafraid to send their junk to any Jane, June, or Jonquesha around, and women are so slow to admitting engaging in it at all? I mean, it’s not like you can say that a penis is a nondescript area, right? Penises, like snowflakes, are quite unique to each person. And even though I’ve only had sizable ones sent to me, it’s also not like every guy is packing an anaconda in his pants either, if you want to possibly say it’s the bragging factor going on. So again, what gives?!

I have a few theories, but I think the most important one is socialization. In the same way that men are socialized to think most guys have sex by 15 and women think they have to be virgins until they’re 38, men and women are socialized to think of their bodies and showing off their bodies differently.

So it’s not that big of a deal for a guy to send his goods around. I’m sure they know women share the photos as much as they do, but it’s not anything they’re ashamed of – mostly because it’s not like they’ll be called names like “whore” because of it. At worst, some girls might laugh, but at best – he’s enticed the one he sent it too and made her friends think about him as well.

That’s a win win, eat eat situation.

But for women, it’s not the same deal. At best, you’ve given the guy some good visuals – but at worst, you could ruin your reputation forever. Double-standardism at its finest.

Anyway, so that’s why I think so many women hesitate to admit participating in the sexting game. Maybe y’all can help me figure out why so many men are eager to, though. Thoughts?

My Thoughts on Christianity and Homosexuality – in Video

I’ve been listening/reading a lot of the commentary out right now in light of Jason Collins’ announcement, and in particular, because of what he said about his Christianity in the open letter. And it’s been, frankly, quite disheartening.

I will never be able to understand how people who claim to follow Jesus Christ – who preached love, forgiveness, and humility – can seek to condemn those around them who are not like them. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself drawing closer to God on my own volition and seeking His Word and studying to show myself approved and guess what? I’m even more convinced that He didn’t call us to judge, hate, or condemn those around us.

In fact – He said the exact opposite. In 1 John 4:20, it says:  Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

In layman’s terms – How can you claim to love God but hate the people you see every day? You cannot.

And so, I could go through and list all of the scriptures that align up with my thoughts on Christianity and Homosexuality, like others have attempted to do on the other side of the spectrum – but really, that one says more than enough. Plus, this video below is more powerful than what I think I could write on the matter.

Thank you to Shonda Rhimes for creating such a powerful scene.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Cake, Cake, Cake, Cake!!!!

Photo Credit: Flickr.com

Guess what folks?! It’s May!! – which means we’re now officially in my birthday month, and I’ll be 30 before you know it.

I think usually this time starts to be one of reflection for a lot of people. I’ve seen folks freak out and start feeling like they haven’t achieved anything and thinking they are so far behind what they expected at 30. I’ve also seen people get really introspective about their beliefs and their actions.

Me? I’ve started thinking about all the fun ish I want to do that I haven’t done just yet.

You know, like come home to a naked man, sitting there with a cake on top of him… waiting for me to blow the candles out (ahem).

TMI? Okay, well then this post isn’t the one for you lol. Stop right here and come back on Friday. I won’t feel bad……………… Still here? Wonderful!!

So what brought about this new, crazy fun bucket list of ideas? Well, while recording the next podcast (wooot!), it came up that I’d never had a one night stand before. Really??? – my friends who’ve known me for ten years asked rhetorically and incredulously. Really. So they, kind of jokingly, gave me an assignment. And even though it was a joke – it got me to thinking, why not take it on as a real assignment?!

I mean, I’m about to be 30! It’s time to celebrate!

Funny enough, for the past year, I’ve been slightly stressing over the fact that I didn’t feel almost 30. Don’t get me wrong – I love my life, my bills definitely remind me that I’m grown every month, and I’ve lived a lot of great and fabulous moments so far. But when I thought of 30 — it just seemed like I should feel wiser or more adult. That I shouldn’t still be thoroughly enjoying the time I spend with my hair in a high ponytail, Howard/Georgetown sweats on, dancing around my place without a care in the world. Or getting giddy anytime I think about wearing my perfect date dress for that perfect date. Or hell, creating drunken hashtags with a certain friend who shall not be named.

But I do all of that! And I love doing all of that! And I realized a few weeks ago, after talking to said friend, that my 30 may be different from what I expected – but in many ways, it’s still very 30. So while the idea of kids and a husband still scare the bejeesis out of me (for now, that is), there’s other things that I’m very adult about. I have my own apartment, I have a great job, I have plenty of travel plans, and my little sisters insist that I remind them of Martha Stewart on a regular basis. And even if none of those things were the case, I’d still just be an even different form of 30. But 30 nonetheless.

So okay – I’ll take it. I’m Martha Stewart with more than a few tats and an appreciation for a good glass of Hennessy and Coke. And I feel like the real fun is just beginning.

To help with that fun – I’ve now got a temporary, not at all completed, crazy bucket list of things I can’t wait to try! Feel free to make any suggestions in the comments section if you can think of more.

- I’m serious about that man and the cake.
- Also, naked Saturdays whenever my future husband does come in the picture are a definite must.
- Be a part of a flash mob dance
- Vegas baby!
- Actually do one of my Tuesday night amateur specials.
- Lay out on a yacht while singing “I’m on a boat!”
- Have a one night stand.

Listen… it’s about. to. go. down. 30 is so not ready for me.

Sandal Season is Here!

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Spring isn’t just for dating; it’s also the season for sandal wearing! So that means it’s time to get out your favorite nail colors, get those pedicures, and pop on your best sandals while the sun is shining down on all of your activities. But Spring can also mean shopping for you (like it does for me), and the best things to get right now are … you guessed it, sandals!

Here are some of my faves I’ve peeped recently: there’s a mixture of heels and flats, sparkles and bedazzles, prints and solids – but they’re all fabulous and potentially statement making.

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Are there any sandals you have your eye on these days? And what are some of your go-to nail colors to wear with them?